All of the wondrous things to do with SPAM!

Oh, so tasty!

So last time I put up only one day's collection of SPAM. Today I will sort through and categorize a few...


1) Are you looking for an investment business opportunity? So are:

* Mr.Chung Mong-Joon at lhde@longan.gov.vn (return mail cmjcmj2222@msn.com), who offers you 40% of the proceeds, and also-

* MR. KENNETH ANDERSON  at EGYPTIAN GULF BANK (aapolini@yahoo.com, return mail kennethanderson_EGB@gmx.com) is also offering 40%, AND he'll make sure to wipe all traces of the transaction from the bank's records. Sounds legit, yes?

* Wen Xiong from xiongwen.hk@xinasian.com has an unspecified business deal that is under Chinese banking laws as he is in Hong Kong, please advise if I am interested... Dude, are you offering more than 40%?

* lwang1945@yahoo.com.cn has a deal worth $25 million. I'll bet it involves moving some funding out of a secret bank account...

* patrickfrancis82@yahoo.com says that if I am sincere, he has a business opportunity worth $17 million. "I will prefer you to have acquired knowledge in the medical field or a management position in any industry." Awfully broad there...

*  S.Ogier@roehampton.ac.uk has a 'legal business proposal' worth $28.2 million. I should contact private1@xnmsn.com if I'm interested. Why is someone in Roehampton using a return mail in Indonesia if the transaction is legal?

* Mr Bill Stowell at williambillstowell@gmail.com is offering an investment opportunity with 10% return, if I am discreet. Dude, my discretion costs more than 10%! I can get 40% from Kenneth Anderson!

* A 'Barrister Tom Jones' at admin@klhchem.com.my (return mail tj201023@gmail.com) has a client interested in investing in my country. Would I be of assistance? Maybe. 40%, eh?

* Mrs Nora Wong at web.office.8765.99@att.net (return mail mrsnoralwong29@gmail.com) Only says that she has a secured business proposal. Secured? What, so it doesn't wander off? Does she need a bike lock?

* Mr.Suzuki Takuya Yuki writes from Marilyn.Jacobson@alz.org (return mail suzukitaku15@blumail.org) that he has a $40 million business deal. Pfft. Get in line.

* maltman@wakegov.com says "I have a "business suggestion" for you. Please respond via my private email: yisimon980@yahoo.com.hk" In the subject line. No names. And from me- no reply!

* j.treusch@jacobs-university.de is also offering $28.2, for a 'legal business transaction'- also from a Western university, also with an Indonesian return address, this time private00@xnmsn.com. Answer is still no.

* Major Linda Hayes writes from edamoe@aol.com (return mail majorlindahayes3@yahoo.co.jp) that she has an unspecified business opportunity which she will disclose when I've responded. Uh, yeah.

* albertcole@thames.org sends me a nearly incomprehensible page of text, no paragraph breaks, bad grammar, disjointed sentences... as best I can figure out, Thamesbridge Brokers has a really good deal for me... if only I could figure out what!

* Barrister Mrs. Sydney Walter at jrt@fnri.dost.gov.ph (return mail b.sydneywalter@rocketmail.com) also has an unspecified business opportunity for me. I suspect it involves getting money out of a bank without resorting to masks and guns. Same difference.

* Mr. Steven Heal at info@hsbc.co.uk (return mail steheal@yahoo.co.jp) also has an offer, worth $10 million. This one looks like it might require masks however.

* from Mr Johnson Patrick ( johnson_patrick@9.cn) an offer to invest in and help sell pharmaceuticals in India... huh. Don't they usually come from India?

* Mr Mustafa Tamawe (mustafatamawe14@yahoo.com.hk) would like to offer me a business opportunity, but he won't tell me what it is until I contact him for further info. However, he does assure me that it will be to our mutual satisfaction. Well, I don't generally answer complete strangers with vague promises, so I guess I Ain't Got No...

* Richard Ferdinand, procurement manager to SJCM Solid Minerals Bellevue Washington at info@live.com (return mail rich.ferd@blumail.org)  has an investment opportunity for me in Malaysia, representing his company 'to purchase Borax Oil Lq,which is use in the purification/cleansing of Gold and Precious Stones'. What, not snake oil?

* 'Robert Smith, Esp' at roberts0100@hotmail.com has an opportunity for investment of $50 million in Hong Kong... Boy, did he write the wrong person!


2) Mail with attachments that I will not open!:

* The FBI wrote TWICE from  wscott0621@aol.com, with one return mail statesfbigov@superposta.com, the other wfocdfbiusagov@superposta.com.

* Elizabeth Johnson at johnsonelizabeth751@gmail.com (return mail elizjohnson58@gmail.com) says in the subject line "MY BELOVED FRIEND IN THE LORD, PLEASE OPEN THE ATTACHMENT AND GET BACK TO ME URGENTLY." Elizabeth, you are not my friend, and neither is the interesting attachment you sent.

* 'Canada Lottery' sends an attachment via gowell111@gmail.com (return mail davsgrattan2@gmail.com)... Canada has a lottery?

* Mr Adams Rees at djacks7085@aol.com (return mail arees070@yahoo.co.jp) says "Good day......Open And Read Your Mail" in the subject line. Um... no.

* Terry Dagogo at mshurt1589@aol.com (return mail terrydagogo06@gmail.com) says "RELEASE OF YOUR OVERDUE PAYMENT Kindly get back to me" in the subject line and "Kindly view the memo for more info from Terry Dagogo and get back to me" on the page... wanna bet that memo comes with a secret message for my computer?

* wjwoods1@aol.com, writing for Mervyn King (return mail paymentdesk@banofenglandonline.co.uk.tc) says in the subject line "BOE NOTICE.....Open And Read Your Massage". Really? The Face of Boe sent me a message? And not the Doctor?

* Augustine Dinga (rayhindson@aol.com, return mail augstinedinga_2@yahoo.co.jp) says "Treat As Urgent" in the subject line. Here's the text:

Good day,

Attached is an important message. Read and promptly respond as soon as possible.

Regads

 'Regads'? Huh? Is the spelling correction in the attachment?

* Mrs Rebecca Oliver at mrs.rebecca_oliv00000@hotmail.com (return mail mrs.rebecca_oliv0019@hotmail.com) writes again to tell me there is a 'DONATION FOR THE LORD (From me to you)' if I will just open the attachment. Think the virus/trojan file is really from the Lord?

* 'Paul John' at webxxxxxxxxxx2678@att.net calls me 'Dear Friend' (No, I don't believe we've met) and simply says "DOWNLOAD BELOW AND CONTACT MR GIBSON"... Is this something like going beyond kissing on the first date?

* Susan Shabangu (susanshabangu1976@hotmail.com, return mail susanshabangucoza@hotmail.com) simply says in the subject line "I DIDN'T FORGET YOUR PAST EFFORT (PLEASE VIEW THE ATTACHED COPY OF MY LETTER AND CONTACT MY BANKER)". Considering how many very wordy things I've gotten in the mail, I don't know why she couldn't just put them in the body of the email. Maybe she couldn't fit the extra malicious code in it?

* "Dr. Ahmed Danfulani Tijani......Open And Read" (rvseven7@aol.com, return mail presidency.ngr@one.co.il) offers an rtf attachment. So, what's that, a 'ready to f---?' file?

* Mrs Hendrietta Zulu (hendzulu65@gmail.com, return mail mrshendzulu@live.co.za) says "I have not heard from you please kindly (view attached document)" Well, you have not heard from me because I have not heard from you prior to this! I am not in the habit of approaching strangers with irregular financial opportunities... <nuke the attachment>


*********************

And that is enough for now! After all of that SPAM, I think some vegetables are in order. Kale, anyone?

Fresh SPAM! Getcher fresh SPAM here!

Well, I was drowning in it, and a month behind, so I went Delete! Delete! Delete! and nuked it all. So what I offer today was just was came in Tuesday June 12th.


* From Mr Lamido Sanusi from the Central Bank of Nigeria at mrlamidosanusi49@yahoo.com (return mail mrlamidosanusi11@omail.hu) comes a notice (with *terrible* grammar) that I've been named a part-beneficiary of $10 million! Wow! But wait- two guys showed up to his office claiming to be my representatives, wanting this money I'm getting. Mr Sanusi says "Here are the Document which they tender to this Bank today:

1. LETTER OF ADMINISTRATION.
2. HIGH COURT INJUNCTION.
3. ORDER TO RELEASE."

He told them to come back tomorrow.

Well, it's tomorrow already in Nigeria. Oh well.

Wait, doesn't an injunction usually restrain, rather than release? And What court? A High Court? Was the judge smoking something something?


* Mrs. Grace Manda at gracemanda13@gmail.com (return mail gracemanda14@gmail.com) just says: Mrs. Grace Manda Please open the attached file

...and? Mrs Grace Manda, you'd better open that file! 'Cause I ain't a-gonna!


* Moses Benneth, an account officer with the Islamic Microfinance Bank in Ghana, at mosesbenneth@mail.kz (return mail mosesbenneth@yahoo.com.hk) writes to tell me of a business opportunity of $15 million! Yay! Apparently he's holding a secret account with money that belonged to ousted Tunisian president Mr.Zine Al-abidine Ben Ali. He will give me 45% of it if I help him move the money out of the country.

Won't Mr Ben Ali wonder where it went?

And he wants my driver's license. Dude, no one sees that. Really. I cringe when I have to show it at the bank. You think I'm going to show a perfect stranger in Ghana that?


* John Wilkins at jwilkinsfice@globomail.com (return mail jwilkins.office@gmail.com) says:

This is to bring to your notice that we are delegated from the United
Nations & Central Bank to pay 50 scam victims 1,000,000.00 Dollars
each.

Apparently they believe I've been scammed by someone in Nigeria. (Nigeria? Not Ghana? Burkina Faso? Indonesia? Hong Kong?...)

 You are hereby warned not to communicate or duplicate this message to
him For any reason what so ever as the FBI is already on trace of the
other criminals. So keep it to yourself till they are all apprehended.

Oh.

 We shall feed you with further modalities as soon as we hear from you.

Modalities? Are they tasty? What wine should I serve, red or white?

Oh, and their list of IDs cuts off with "6) Attach scan Copy of your". Copy of my what? Ah... I'm supposed to contact them to get the full list! Niiice...


* "Barrister.Kenneth Oliver,the personal assistance to the late engr.Edward (snr) a national of your country." writes from barristerkennetholiver@yahoo.com (return mail kennetholiver42@freemail.hu) that his client died without a will and he has oooodles of money he wants to give me!

****PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL*****
This e-mail and any attached files are confidential and may be legally privileged. If you are not the addressee,any disclosure,reproduction,copying,distribution,or other dissemination or use of this communication is strictly prohibited.

 Not anymore!


*  "Western Union 2012 Customers Promotion" tk52107@cwjh.tyc.edu.tw (return mail westerncus2@hotmail.com)  says:

We happilly announce to you that you have been awarded with the sum of $5,000,000.00 USD by our office, as one of our customers who uses Western Union in their daily business transaction in 2012.

Wrong address, apparently, as I've never used Western Union. Perhaps just misspelled, like 'happilly'.


*  FROM MR. KENNETH ANDERSON, EGYPTIAN GULF BANK, at aapolini@yahoo.com (return mail kennethanderson_EGB@gmx.com) has a client who died intestate, and... wait, does he know Kenneth Oliver?


* Ma Delun,a staff of Private Banking Services at the Bank of China (BOC) United Kingdom writes from madelun@ta.com (return mail ma.delun10@yahoo.com.hk) that one of his clients... died... oh yeah. He'll give me 50% if I help him sneak this money out.

I think that's the highest percentage I've been offered yet. So if this is all so legal and all Mr Delun, why can't I contact your employer to make sure you're the stand-up dude you say you are?


* Mr John Anderson at smtmnr@wmconnect.com wrote **in the subject line**

I am JOHN ANDERSON Director Inspection Unit United Nations Inspection Agent in Epple AirField International Airport. During our investigation, I discovered An abandoned shipment through a Diplomat from Nigeria.The details of the consignment including your name the official document from United Nation office in London are tagged on the Metal Trunk box.If you want us to transact the delivery for mutual benefit, you should provide your Phone Number, full address,Be happy and respond so that i will give goodnews

 Text said "Read the above for more details and reply immediately"

"Full address... Be happy!" Sounds like a pop tune, eh?


* Mrs. Rebecca Oliver at mrs.rebecca_oliv00000@hotmail.com (return mail mrs.rebecca_oliv0011@hotmail.com) says "Please open the attached file and get back to me."

Let's not and say I did, hmm?


* Mrs Grace Manda must really mean business! She writes this time from gmanda7@gmail.com, return mail mandagrace64@gmail.com. Well, new address or no, I'm not going to open your attachment!


That's eleven in one day. Ain't Shakespeare, but if you put a hundred monkeys... ;-)

 

 

MOAR SPAM!!!

Lots and lots and LOTS of SPAM!


MAY 16:

* Rtd. Lt Adolf W. Mensah at adolfwilly2@gmail.com (return mail adolfwilly1@hotmail.com) wants me to contact him, as he has come into the possession of $8.2 million in Afghanistan, of which he will give me 35% if I help him get it out of the country. But it's  a secret and his job is in jeopardy... IT'S A SECRET BECAUSE IT'S NOT LEGAL, RIGHT ADOLF? As in NO ONE MUST KNOW?


* Mr Frank Ashley at chikeobi24@yahoo.in (return mail mikehope608@yahoo.com) says that he is ready to send me the first $4500 of $900,000 we've arranged, I just need to send a bunch of personal info, including age, sex, and occupation, to a Mr Pete Williams (not, Mr Ashley, or Mike Hope?).

I haven't heard from him before, and he doesn't know my sex? Must have the wrong person. Whoever this email was meant for, they're missing out on some money...


* Monica Gaziri at moris4oxide@yahoo.com (return mail monicagaziri@yahoo.com) opens her email with "Hi Dear,". Well, it appears that she's 'Lookin' for love in all the wrong places...' dee dee dum dee dum...


* Brent Spearman at Brent.Spearman@utoledo.edu (return mail bukharisahih@yahoo.cn) wants me to contact him about some money that belonged to the late Colonel Khaddafi. Really? I bet he wants me to help him get it out of the country. How someone from the University of Toledo came across it is beyond me...


* Oooh! From the Desk Of United Nation! (Address Officefile@file.com, return mail Asia.B.a.n.k.code@w.cn) They have an ATM card worth $2.5 million waiting for me, if I will please to contact their agent in the Bank of India with a bunch of personal info, of course.

Signed VIP Jimmy Approved Mr Ban Ki Moon United Nation Secretary General Best regards, Officefile

Since when does the United Nations and Ban Ki-Moon do business through OfficeFile?


* Chase Online sent me a message via smrff+accounts+alerts@chase.com says there is an incoming payment on my account, but there is a problem processing it, and I should pit this like that says 'Log On' which sends me to http://www.imaqing.com/images/smilies/login.php . How much you wanna bet they'll ask me for some personal information there, such as my log on and password? How much you wanna bet I'm not going there? Especially since I closed my Chase account last fall...


* "Mr.Almani Saadiq, the Head of files/Recording Department in Islamic Development Bank Burkina faso" at saadiq4101@msn.com (return mail almanl01@voila.fr) is a bank employee who is in possession of some $9.4 million dollars that belonged to a client now deceased. This money is just rattling around unclaimed, and he wants it of course, and is willing to give me 40% if I'll help him move it out of that account. First I need to give him all my personal information. "Like,

Your Name, Age, Marital Status, Cell Phone Number, Your Country, Your House Address, Your Occupation, Sex, Religion, Your ID Card or International Passport and Your Private E-mail Address for full trust.

 My religion? What does being Episcopalian have to do with this?


MAY 17:

* I'm getting a check for $25,000 from UN-HABITAT, at guascormaroc@menara.ma. I need to send all my personal info to Program Manager United Parcel Service (UPS) Contact Name: Abu Morris at upsdelivery34@yahoo.com.hk. With $100 for handling and claimant fees.

Gee. Fees have done up. They're usually $55. Weasels much be getting scarce. Maybe UN-HABITAT is trying to protect them?


* "UNITED NATIONS OFFICE FOR THE COORDINATION OF HUMANITARIAN AFFAIR." at sepp@blueskynet.as has asked me to contact Mr. Victor Okle at vokle@superposta.com, as my payment confirmations are completed for the ATM card worth $900,000. But oops! My Okle is having trouble with his handheld, and has lost his address book. So I need to get in touch with my     personal info...

Personally, if he's that much of a dork as to keep my personal info on a handheld and not somewhere else, I'm not of a mind to give him my personal info again. Maybe they should hang onto that $900,000 to, oh, feed orphans or something?


* "Kim Wong, The Owner of Kim Wong Trading LLC,Kuala Lumpur Malaysia South East Asia" sends greetings from audit_dept@csuissebl.com (return mail k_wong.llc@e-mail.ua) wants to offer me a job laundering money, er, transferring funding, on commission, taking 15% of the cash transferred.

Dude, I can get 40% from 'transferring money' for several other folks. You'll have to sweeten the pot a bit. And do you offer benefits? No deal unless I get medical, dental, and a good retirement package.


* Mrs. Marina Luda, who lives at 108 Crockett Court. Apt 303, New Braunfels Texas, writes from liuzheng@shstj.gov.cn (return mail t_ganichambers@yahoo.cn) to warn me that I've been scammed! I need to contact Barrister Tony Gani in Nigeria with a bunch of my personal info, and he'll help me get my $10.5 million. I only have to pay $250 in fees to do this. Wow. Inflation! Those Nigerian weasels must have really gotten scarce! Does UN-HABITAT know anything about this?


* Mr Ben Smith at mr.bensmithloanfrims02@hotmail.com (return mail mr_bensmith@live.com) is offering loans at 3% from World United Global Loan Organization Online Fast/Easy Loan. Wait- are they the ones who're trying to get money to me through that non-existent Chase account?


MAY 18:

* Another note from Mr. Ben Smith. He must be working on commission.


* Mrs.Inga-Britt Ahlenius at UNITED NATIONS OFFICE OF INTERNATIONAL OVERSIGHT SERVICES, International Audit, Monitoring, Consulting And Investigations Division writes from ingabritt1@skymail.mn that they've discovered that I'm a victim of a scam!

Does this have anything to do with the mail I got from Ban Ki-Moon?


* Susan Shabangu at jgonzalez@aragua.gob.ve (return mail sshabangu.gov@gmail.com) has sent me an attached email. 33.2 KB in RTF. Shall I open it? Uh... maybe not.


* Western Union at postmaster@hd25.info (return mail westernunion_money@ukr.net) has my payment ready! I just need to contact them with my personal info.

Funny, for something that important, you'd think they'd use a Western Union email account.


* Another Western Union letter! This time from sepp@blueskynet.as. They want me to call them... within 4 hours.

Dang.


* Michael Pandor at gvds@8419.cn (return mail m.zuma@blumail.org) has an investment opportunity for me. It is in South Africa, and involves Civil Servants, who apparently can't participate in this deal, so they need me to act in their place. I just need to- all together now- contact them with my personal information...


*  ithelpdesksupport@mail2webmaster.com contacted me to tell me something has gone... wrong... with my email. (How is it that he can contact me then?) I just need to send him my user name and password. For an account that I don't have.

Good luck with that!


* Mohammad Daud Bakar,an executive with the International Institute of Finance,Inc (RUSD) bank malaysia writes from mohammad@linkline.com (return mail bakar.mohammad12@yahoo.com) to offer me a business proposal, the details of which he'll tell me after I send him my personal info.

IIF is a real organization, and Mohammad Daud Bakar really works for them. In the Middle East- not in Malaysia.

I wonder if this business proposal involves money in an account belonging to a deceased client?


***
Gah. So much SPAM! And so much left in my inbox! Can I get through is without a sodium-provoked stroke?

Hot and Spicy!

Well, I have enough spam in my inbox to require a great deal of Pepto-Bismol! She we take a look and see?...


May 12:


- Forwarded to me from www.myway.com a post from bankapprovedremit1@yahoo.cn claiming to be someone from the Bank of America, holding funds for me in a Swiss Bank account. They will of course arrange transfer after I give them a bunch of personal information... Really, if they have to go through a third party and don't yet know my name, how do they know that they have any money *for me*?


- Dr.Jaslin Ikhsan writes from file@ntcentereent.com (return mail jaslin.ikhsan12@voila.fr) that he has some money that he needs to move out of a secret bank account in Burkina Faso and for my help

The fund will be shared at the ratio of 58% for me. 40% for you and 2% will be set aside to cover any expenses and tax in your bank.

Gee, I don't know if 2% will cover the weasel taxes...


-  Mr. Abdulkader Maroof Omar Uqba at omar@yahoo.com (return mail fed_cour111@w.cn) would like me to help him get his family out of Iraq. Well, I can't blame him for wanting to get out, but our Department of Defense isn't sure how to get out of Iraq, but less me! Has he tried Google Maps?


- Brenda Waterson at brenda@kunene.co.za has $10.5 million dollars for me for charity projects, if I will just contact her attorney. Funny, her address is in South Africa, and her attorney is in Qatar. Not Burkina Faso or Benin?


- Mrs Esther Boateng at web.esestt32@gmail.com (return mail mrs.terrarnicholas@hotmail.co.za) says "YOU CHOOSEN BY THE LORD/ View the attached file Pls.??". There's an attached document... no, I think God knows how to spell chosen. Which means the attachment came from God knows!


- from jerzy.szukalski@neostrada.pl a woman named Mrs. Faridah Harris Hamid (return mail hamidfrdharis@yahoo.com.my) writes to tell me the very sad news that she is dying and wants to leave me $2.5 million to do good deeds with.

I suppose those good deeds would not include a half-dozen lightly-oiled slave boys, a gallon of peanut butter, some marshmallow fluff and a weasel?

Maybe I'll skip the marshmallow fluff and just get a second weasel.


- William Brenda at info@sapphire.com.pk (return mail weternunionmoneytransfer@yahoo.cn) says:

GOOD DAY AND MY GREETINGS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.. WE HAVE CONCLUDED TO EFFECT YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH (WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER) AND $6,000.00 WILL BE SENT DAILY TO YOU UNTIL THE $4.8MILLION IS COMPLETELY TRANSFERED.

I just have to send them my personal info, of course. Mind you, I'm pretty sure that the money transfer entity is properly called 'Western Union' and writing them back at 'weternunion' might send my information awry.

You think?


- WESTERN UNION HEAD OFFICE DEPARTMENT REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA. FOREIGN CONTRACTOR PAYMENT OFFICE writes from mtcndepartmentofficer@gmail.com (return mail wumtdepartment@hotmail.com) says that I have inherited $80.000.00 which will be disbursed in daily amounts of $5.000... as soon as I cough up $250 to cover various fees and taxes and such.

Are we surprised that they claim to be representing a bank in Nigeria?


May 13:

- Mr. Abdulkader Maroof Omar Uqba sent me another plea for help in getting his family out of Iraq.

Call a cab?


- inforefinance4@yahoo.com.hk is offering my loans at 2%. Wow. That's even better than a Perkins loan!


- Madam Mercy Graham writes from rezaeirad@grad.kashanu.ac.ir (return mail mercygraham@safe-mail.net) that she is a widow, dying of cancer, and wants me to help her set up a foundation for the 'less priviledge'. Maybe she wants to work with Mrs. Faridah Harris Hamid above? I could maybe open a Home for Homeless Weasels!


- Mr james mark at james.mark141@yahoo.com (return mail james.mark141@gmail.com) says that the National Bank of Nigeria is ready to release my funds! I just have to send them a bunch of information, including

Your Bank Name……………….. Bank Account Number……………….. Banking Routing Number or Swift Code………………..

Think I should give it to them?


- Lexington Finance Ltd at  web-ffc-0-01-3-036@att.net (return mail lexingtonfinance0ltd@hotmail.com) has money to loan me! Really? Why don't they hang onto it and get a real email account?


May 14:


- Barrister Mok Papom (Esq). of Bangkok, Thailand, writes from barristermokpapom@mail.com (return mail barristermokpapom@yahoo.co.jp) to tell me that his client died and left him with $15 and no heirs. He's willing to give me 40% of it if I'll help him get it out of the bank.

I'm not sure I want to take him up on it- after all, he's not smart enough to know that a *solicitor* handles wills and money and such. A *barrister* handles court matters such as criminal defense. Why he would have anything to do with an inheritance matter is beyond me, unless it's awfully shady...


- jdellinger@thesoutheastgroup.com claims to be from 'websupport' and says that my account is almost full and they need my login and password to fix it. Nice trick, since I don't have an account with them.


-  BoyleK@wawm.k12.wi.us also says that there is a problem with my mailbox and I should go to http://admin-helpdeskteam-web.tk/ to get it fixed.

Another account that I don't know I have! Am I creating email account in my sleep?


- Mrs Josphine Johnson at josphine1961@rediffmail.com (return mail Josphinejohnson1@gmail.com) says that she's a widow dying of cancer and needs some unspecified help if I would please reply.

What, does she need a cab too?


- Brenda Williams (or William Brenda, hard to say) again writes to tell me about money waiting for me at Western Union. But hurry! This offer is limited and expires soon!...

I think they'd do well selling things on late night tv, don't you?


May 15:


- WOO-HOO!!! power06play52633@att.net says I won the Powerball Lottery! I just need to go to their website to contact their payment coordinator and claim the prize.

Neat! How many other lotteries that I haven't entered will come up winners?


- augutinedinga600@gmail.com sends me an attachment titled 'dear friend'. How fast can I delete it? There! That fast!


- The International Monetary Fund in Switzerland writes me from imfswss@yahoo.co.jp (an address in Japan, and with a return mail of imfofficewa01@yahoo.co.jp) to tell me that their fraud reconciliation office has pulled my name out of the files of those victimized by fraud, and that they have $1 million to award me. I just have to send all of my info, including bank account numbers, to their office in West Africa.

Does this make any sense to you? I'm not following...


- Mrs Karen Williams writes from bell@bell.ca that she is about to go in for surgery and has $14.258 million for me to do charity work with. I just need to contact barjaymchenry111@3mail.ie, presumably with all of my bank information.

Does a jar of marshmallow fluff qualify as 'charity'?


- info@westernunion.com (return mail westernuinonclaimdept@ovi.com) says that I'm the beneficiary of a random drawing by the United Nations! And this money is being held for me by Western Union in Malaysia. (Not Burkina Faso, or Benin? How novel!) I just have to contact them with my... you know...


- from worldbankcommitte@worldbank.com (return mail richardbench2012@hotmail.com) I received this:

Dear Sir/Madam This mail is meant for scam victims and pending payment across the globe. Kindly access the movement for your funds to avoid further scams from imposter,this will also reaveal if your transaction/funds is real or not Respond as soon as possible if applicable to you. Richard Bench Worldbank Committe

Somehow, I rather think that the World Bank can employ a proofreader and proper email addresses for their employees, don't you? If I send a reply to Richard Bench, what do you think it might 'reaveal'?


- Mrs. Caroline Sawh at carol_sawh@yahoo.com.cn writes to tell me that she's a widow, dying of cancer, and you guessed it- wants me to help spend her money on good deeds.

1: For the sick, less-privileged and destitute,
2: For the Widows and the motherless babies e.t.c.
3: orphanages, Research centers and widows propagating.

Widows propagating? What, is she referring to horticulture?


On that note, enough for tonight. This much SPAM, the sodium in my blood is a bit high!

Hits the Spot!

Mmm... can't you just taste that SPAM, with a little bit of butter and syrup? Oh, my arteries are shuddering already!

So here we go!


May 9:


- Kelvin Kerkular, at mohameedisah02@yahoo.co.in (return mail kelvinkerkular@w.cn) is waiting to hear from me! He and his sister, Liberian citizens, are in a refugee camp in Ghana. His parents were diamond merchants who made too much money so they were murdered. Of course Kelvin knows where his father his some diamonds and cash, and just needs some help getting it out of Ghana before he is deported. Would I please send him all of my personal info so he can start this process?

Huh. Why doesn't he just bribe his way out like everyone else does?


- Chung, Yoon, from yjchung@ccri.edu says:

I'm Norman Chan,Chief Executive, Hong Kong Monetary Authority (HKMA)I have a Business worth $47.1M Get back to me if interested.
Reply to my email  2590184463@qq.com

 Depends, Norman. What's the weasel tax in Hong Kong these days?


- Daniel Rock, at bar.bruce@terra.com (return mail hermscourierservice@zhot.net) says that thanks to my past efforts on his behalf, there is a postal order worth $2 million waiting in Deutsch Bank in Germany. I just have to contact their courier service.Hmm. Wanda will be in Europe next month- maybe she could just swing by and pick it up? Just make sure it's not in Greek currency.


- Oh dear. Mrs Faridah Harris Hamid writes from jerzy.szukalski@neostrada.pl (return mail hamidfrdharis@yahoo.com.my) that she is dying and has no heirs. So she wants to give me $2.5 million to distribute in humanitarian aid. Cool! I know several humans I can aid with that money!


- Madam Hanan Zanfar at mrshananidrisa@gmail.com (return mail mrs.hananzanfarfamily@hotmail.com) is a widow who is- you guessed- dying with no heirs! Her husband hid some money in a box, some $4.8 million worth, and she wants to give it to someone who will "use this fund for the helping of the orphanages homes, widows, propagation of Gospel, and to endeavor that God's house is maintained."Nifty! My parish church needs a new roof! I'll start there!


- Dr. John Chan Chak at dgietema@tusculum.edu (return mail johnchak14@yahoo.com.hk) has a "a legal business proposal of Twenty Eight million Two Hundred Thousand United States Dollars", but is writing from a student account at Tusculum College in Tennessee? And I should get back to him in Hong Kong? What, is he an online or commuter student?


-  CONFIDENTIAL! James Collins at jamses65@gmail.com has some money stashed in Libya that he needs to get out of the country, and he'll give me 30% of $20 million (in unmarked $100 bills, no less) if I'll help him.

Really, a former oil merchant doesn't have a better plan to get his money out than to contact a cranky historian in Oregon?


May 10:

- Mrs Kim James at web.alliance1150@att.net (return mail alliancetransfer@consultant.com) has a business proposal for me- loans at 3%! Not bad- slightly better than my Perkins loans. I might have to look into that...


- Mr Asita Hussain at asitahussain8@gmail.com has $29.2 million in unclaimed funds belonging to a guy who died intestate, and it is just rolling around his bank with nothing to do. If I'll help him steal, er, move the money out of the bank, he'll give me 40% of it. Of course the help is complicated.

Please i need your urgent response on assurance of trust that you will not deny my right of the share once the fund gets into your account because i am a poor civil servant who depend on little monthly salary. That you are the one who will help me to get visa to your country immediately i resign from my work on the instant of the transfer into your account. 

For a bank executive, I would have expected him to use proper grammar and punctuation, even if he is overseas, yes?


- The helpdesk at ithelpdesksupport@mail2webmaster.com says there's a problem with my account, and I need to give them my password. For an account that is not with 'webmaster'?


- Monica Gaziri writes from moris4oxide@yahoo.com (return mail monicagazirisyr@yahoo.com) 'Hello My Dear', and she is looking for friendship, perhaps love.

I wonder what she would say if I write back and tell her I'm not batting for her team?


- Publishers Clearing House writes from info@mail.com (there's that address again! A lot of people seem to use it!) with a return mail of pchremittance2012@manager.in.th,

The Publishers Clearing House in Colaboration with the United State Goverment would like to notify you that you have been chosen by the board of trustees as one of the final recipients of a cash Grant/Donation for your own personal,educational, and business development.

$1 million worth.They just need my personal information, including sex, date of birth, and marital status.

Shall I point out to them that they misspelled 'collaboration' and 'government'?


-  Good Day! from Godwin Kwame at sue@pslgroup.com.sg (Sue?) with a return address of godwink4@blumail.org.

Well, Good Day to you too, sir!

He has a client who needs to move some funds (of course...) of $8.37 million without traces to himself or his client. I just need to contact him for more details.

That is a lot of money. Without traces? But the weasels my poop in transit, you know...


- Robin Orticerio at rmorticerio@ccri.edu has a confidential business deal worth $47 million. I should reply to him at 2590184463@qq.com. Confidential, eh? SURE WOULDN'T WANT SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO GET OUT...


May 11:

- Mr Liu in Hong Kong writes from test@decaturtel.net- a Mississippi USP (return mail mr_tailingliu@w.cn)- that he has a bequest for me if I'll send him "
Names,Address,Age/sex and contact Number" to his return address.

I suppose his business is not in Mississippi?


- Mr Jerry Dickson at jerrydickson01@yahoo.co.za (return mail jerrydickson011@hotmail.com) says that he is the trustee of an unclaimed estate and would like to give it to me.

If you wish to render your selfles s service, but very rewarding and 1.Your full names 2.Telephone Number 3.Complete Address 4.Your occupation and your Age. 5.Marital Status

Really now, I have a friend from South Africa (where the .za is from) and she would be very embarrassed for this to be thought of as representative of their literacy. After all, English is one of the official languages in South Africa.

Don't think I'll contact Jerry.


- Thomas Witherspoon at test@chinawanxiang.com (return mail thomaswitherspoon7@yahoo.com.hk) sent me two copies of "PRIVATE NOTICE PLEASE READ,." Maybe it is important! Let's see:

a very rich Chinese customer of mine died with his wife in a plane crash.(Names withheld). Before his death, he confided in me and made a deposit in the sum of US$15,500,000 (Fifteen Million, Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) in a suspense account in my bank for transfer to an account abroad. It is now over three years since their death and nobody has come forward to claim this money.

He wants me to stand as next of kin and help move the money, for which he'll give me 30%.

Dunno Thomas- Mr Hussain was willing to give me 40%...

Still, 30% of $15 million is a lot of money!


Ohh... too much SPAM and pancakes!

Keep cool- just open a can of SPAM!

Hey, at the rate Spam is coming in, she'll never have to worry about unexpected guests!


May 3:


- From web.offi1e.3.8.0.9@att.net (return mail financia@postino.net) another loan offer. No real particulars, but they are very interested in my personal information!

As are we all...


-  jasshugh72@yahoo.com (return mail worldb_auditor@qatar.io) claims to be from an officer of the World Bank. They say that I am on a list of emails of people who were victims of email scams (No! Really?) and if I send them my personal information, they will send me an ATM card worth $1.5 million dollars. Are they planning to charge me $55 and weasel tax to pick it up in Benin?


- Jenny Venn at jennyven1winbrosey@yahoo.com (return mail jennyvewinbrosey@hotmail.com) is a student at UCLA in her fourth year, who says she is American but possess what appears to be a rudimentary grasp on the English language. Mind, I am well aware that she may simply be an average American student, but she comes across as Someone Not From Here who wants to appear chic... At any rate, she says she is a student in International Relations.

Really Jenny, I'm not interested in your sex life.

She wants to get in touch with me with the intent of my going with her to a UN conference on deadly 'diseases like HIV and secondly to reduce violence like war & civil war and terrorist act'.

Tell you what, Jenny. You take another year of English and I'll consider that conference on 'terrorist act'. They might need a translator for something.


- Oh no! Mrs Susan at  mothersamsonamson2@gmail.com still needs help with motherless babies. Well, my answer is still no...


- Miss Salma writing from at misssalmabb@gmail.com (return mail salmaibrahim0@yahoo.com.hk- an interesting address from someone who says she is writing from Burkina Faso) wants to be my soul mate. She'll even send me a picture.

Sorry Miss Salma, but I don't swing that way. Would you care for a picture of some spam? It might suffice if you're looking for some pork.


- NOKIA CHARITY GRANT ANNUAL AWARD at info@nokia.org (return mail nokiawlotter@bricksmail.com) claims that my 'E-mail ID has won Ј1,000,000 GBP,and two laptops and one nokia phone for on going NOKIA CHARITY GRANT ANNUAL AWARD'.

Awesome. But why do they need my occupation and marital status?


- From  info@mail.com again, with a return mail at paul.cardle1@yahoo.com.hk.

I have a risk free business deal worth Sixty Million pounds (GBP),I work with the Bank of Scotland and need a trustworthy partner. Contact me via my private email(paul.cardle1@yahoo.com.hk) for more details .

And an attachment with more information. And likely a virus (*koff!*wheeze!*) or a Trojan (Beware of Scots bearing gifts from Hong Kong!). No thank you!


- Another message from Western Union at  allochu2@konin.lm.pl (return mail westunion.22011@rediffmail.com) in Nigeria with money waiting for me! They have a better deal than the folks in Benin- they only want $35 to claim my money. Plus weasel fees, of course. And I have to give them the secret word.

What, do I look like Grouch Marx?


- Mrs Amina Saib at  aminasaib305@yahoo.com says that she in a financial consultant in London, and she has a sad, sad story to tell. She is a widow and has no children, and she tells me  with tears rolling down her eyes!, that-

"I want you to assist me in receiving the fund (GBP.&#65533;9,000,000.00), and distributing the money to charity Organizations, I agree to reward you with part of the money for your Assistance, kindness and participation in this Godly project."

Here's a tissue dear.


May 4:

From the account of Corrie A. Biles atcbiles@uark.edu , a Mr Duffy Kennedy,  the Auditor General, Bond Finance Ireland, writes to tell me that he found in an audit some money ($18.5 million!) that belonged to Albert Kovshevnikov, who died intestate in 2002. He wants to sneak this out of the bank before it reverts to the state, and he's willing to give me part of it if I'll help him.

What is it with these millionaires dying intestate? And unnoticed, apparently. Isn't this odd?


- From  info@abc-complett.de an Eva Morrison from Mississippi (return mail evans_morrison@rocketmail.com) says that while attached with the US Army in Afghanistan ('attached'? What, rope? Duct tape? Super glue?) she and a group of soldiers found a huge cache of money- and they'll give me 15% if I'll help them get it out of the country.

Sorry Eva, the going rate seems to be 30%. But there seems to be someone in Benin who will help you launder it for the small fee of $55. Think you can handle that?


- Reginard Adams at reginard@volkswagen.com (return mail fedex_d@blumail.org) says that I need to contact Mr John Williams at FedEx in West Africa about the $800,00 bank draft they are holding for me. They just needs $95 in courier fees...

Wow guys, I didn't realize that there was such a price difference between Western Union and FedEx! Perhaps I should hook up Mr John Williams with the folks at Western Union!


May 5:

- Greetings From Alexander Wilmot-Sitwell at churchist@blumail.org (return mail wilmotalex@ciudad.com.ar), an investment consultant working with Bank UBS AG Zurich presently at their offshore department. He apparently found $155 million just rattling around in a back room somewhere, unclaimed. If I will give him my personal info and a cell number, he'd like to talk to me about claiming some of this money. We'll split the proceeds, of course. And I need to keep this TOP SECRET of course.

TOP SECRET YOU SAY? HOW ABOUT IF I PUT IT ON MY BLOG? IS THAT TOP SECRET?


May 6:

- Mr Lusee at mr.lusee3768@msn.com (return mail mr.lusee@gmail.com) in Burkina Faso just found *gasp!* unclaimed money in an account at his bank! Of course he needs help getting this money out of the country and is willing to give me 30%...

YAWN. Same old, same old. You think they'd find a new approach...


- Teresa Au at sirikul@onep.go.th at HSBC has the same story. Except she is offering me 50% Dude, Teresa's my kind of gal!


May 7:

- USPS, at the improbable email address of yapie@staff.gunadarma.ac.id (return mail usps.deliverypost092@topmail.com) says:

Greetings! Your have unclaimed Confirmable Bank Draft worth 1,000,000 Great Britain Pounds with FedEx Couriers You have been given 5 working days to File for(claim) your unclaimed parcel.

Ok, let me see if I can follow this: The United States Postal Service, with an email address in Indonesia, has a bank draft in British Pounds, waiting with FedEx?

Are we sure it isn't a Western Union office in Benin?


- Dr.Tony Elumelu, Managing Director, Magnum Asset Management, at rollyb@telkomsa.net (return mail tonyelum@hotmail.com) has *drum roll!* found unclaimed money at his bank that he needs help getting out of Nigeria. And he's willing to give me 20%!

Dude, with his 80%, think he'll get himself a real address?


- Alexander Wilmot-Sitwell, an investment consultant at churchist@blumail.org (return mail wilmotalex@ciudad.com.ar) has unclaimed funds that he needs to get out of the country, and he's willing to give me 40%. I'm guessing that with his 60%, he'll be going to Aruba, where his ISP is. Suntan oil for all, his treat!


May 8:

- Mr Alex J. Udo at mgudo@voila.fr (return mail mgudo1@voila.fr) says that he has completed our business, and the money he promised is waiting for me in Hong Kong. To finish things and arrange the transfer, I need to contact Mr.Pete Suggs at +234 803 88 215 86.

How Mr Suggs is going to do this from his office in Lagos, Nigeria, I do not know. Maybe their weasel tax is lower than in Hong Kong?


- Och! A Scotsman Robert Smith at robertssm02@att.net (return mail roberts014@hotmail.com) has an investment opportunity! They're looking for someone who can invest $50 million dollars.

Well, that leaves me out...


Haggis looks a lot like SPAM, aye?

But I don't like SPAM!

Well Ladies and Gentlemen, more SPAM, whether you like SPAM or not!


May 2:

- admin@national-lottery.co.uk (writing from esaullevy@aol.com with a return mail of kdhdl@e-mail.ua) says simply: "You have won . For full details, please click here."

My thoughts, simply: not.


- The World Bank/IMF at jasshugh72@yahoo.com (return mail worldb_auditor@qatar.io)  writes:

Attn:Client, Your name is among 37 scam Victims list to be compensated by World Bank/IMF via ATM CARD each valued at US$1.5 Million.send your Full details Such As Your Full Name,Address,Telephone via( worldb_auditorr@qatar.io ) DR.RICHARD OGA.

 Wow! I didn't know that the World Bank/IMF was concerned with scam victims. And I didn't know that ATM cards could be worth $4.5 Million dollars! Gotta get me one of THOSE!


- Mr Guff Walter at  online@mss.com (return mail kraftfoodsuk1@live.co.uk) says:

We are please to offer you a job of 10% of payments received from our clients.Job :RECEIVING PAYMENTS AGENT who will Act as medium of breach between our customers and us.reach us at(kraftfoodsuk1@live.co.uk)with your Curriculum Vitae/Resume attached and any other details on experience.(Mr Guff Walter,P.R.O.)Kraft Foods Ltd.

Does my CV have to be spelled correctly? How about English grammar? And what exactly is a 'medium of breach'?


- Oooh! Mr A. Hakim at abdul_hakimbehaj@yahoo.com.ph tells me that he was part of a military council that helped oust out favorite Libyan dictator, and when searching

Col Muammar Gaddafi's Bab al-Aziziya compound, I discovered A metal save: containing (USD53M) fifty three million United States of American Dollars

 which he of course needs help getting out of the country.

Wow. And here I'd thought Muammar had spent it all on fancy robes and uniforms!


That's enough for tonight! Enjoy the video!

With-a slice-a tammat-a!

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

No vampires here!

Do we have vampires in our Spam? No! well, unless you court the bloodsuckers that want the contents of your pocketbook...

...Or my computer. I just attempted to load a post that held about two weeks of spam, some of it really good stuff. Naturally the system burped and in the attempts to fix it, the whole post went poof.

Which is too bad, because some of it was really creative stuff. I have to say, if some of these crooks worked half as hard at real jobs as they do on theft, they could make a respectable living. But it's more fun to be a thief, eh?

Hear it sizzling! Smell that spiced meat product!

April 12:


-International Power Ball Lottery Program at dept.agnt191@gmail.com

 "wishes to notify you that you have been chosen through a Computer Ballot System as one of the recipients for 2012 Online Sweepstake Promotion Draw. You are among the jackpot lucky winners for the sum of £2,400,000.00 (Two Million Four Hundred Thousand British Pounds) Prize promotion Award which is organized by International Power Ball Promotion Inc." 

Of course they need some personal information, and won't I please open this attachment for more details?
Mmm... tasty, tasty virus! It will go with my spam and eggs, don't you think? Just after I reformat my computer...


-Mr. Hill John at johnhill10101010@web.de says that there is an ATM card with $8.5 million dollars on it waiting for me at a UPS office in Benin. I just need to pay some fees on it of course, and I need to contact

Mr. Frank Ben Okoye
United Parcel Service (UPS)
107, Rue Réaumur 00229 Cotonou
Benin Republic, Tel: +229 9794 8648
Email: upsservice92@gmail.com

Wow! I just got one of these the other day! Does that mean there's two, or is this a second notice? Well, of course I'll send them all of my personal information, including age and occupation. How does None of Your Business and Frustrated Writer/Historian sound?


-Genuine Loan at jlturner@uaex.edu (return mail at j.frust.0.1@postino.net) just says:

"Do You need loan at 3?? reply us today with the amount needed and duration." 

Mm... How about a cool million, with a 70-year duration. That should do. Think they'll bite?


-Barrister.Kenneth Oliver at barristerkennetholiver@gmail.com (return mail at kennetholiver42@gmail.com) Says:

"Dear Friend,

Good Day !
I am Barrister.Kenneth Oliver,the personal assistance to the late engr.Edward (snr) a national of your country.My late Client has a deposit of ($17.5MILLION) Seventeen Million And Five Hundred Thousand Dollars lodged in a security company in Spain.And i have all the information including the DEPOSITE CERTIFICATE.
A wealthy business man who died as the result of a heart-related condition on march 12th 2005.his heart condition was due to the death of all the members of his family including his next of kin in the tsunami disaster"

Of course he needs my personal information, and if I'll help him obtain this money, he'll give me 40% of it. $3 million dollars for my bank information. I suppose all of the fees and stamps and weasel costs come out of that $3 million, or is that net?


-Mrs. Yvonne Col at winners789@microsoft.co.uk (return mail robertronson68@07168.cn) writes that

"Microsoft Award Team 20 Craven Park, Harlesden London NW10 United Kingdom Ref:
BTD/507/08 Batch: 274405A

Dear Sir/Madam,
The prestigious Micrsoft, Aol and Yahoo has set out and sucessfully organized a
Sweepstakes marking the yearly anniversary we rolled out over $100,000,000 USD (One
Hundred Million Dollars) for our yearly Anniversary Draws. Participants for the draws
were randomly selected and drawn from a wide range of web hosts which we enjoy their
patronage. The selection was made through a computer draw system attaching
personalised email addresses to ticket numbers. Microsoft and AOL are now the largest
Internet companies and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the
most widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail data test.

Your email address as indicated was drawn and attached to ticket number 009705017469
with serial numbers BTD/5070648332/08 and drew the lucky numbers 14-21-25-39-40-47(20)
which subsequently won you $1,000,000 USD (One Million Dollars) already sent in a
PARCEL and other related documents as one of the 100 jackpot winners in this draw. You
have therefore won the entire winning sum of $1,000,000USD (One Million Dollars). The
draws registered as Draw number one was conducted in Brockley, London United Kingdom .
These Draws are commemorative and as such special."

Someone will be in touch with me about information, fees and taxes, etc etc...

I don't know about you, but Microsoft Corporation has never given out anything by random lottery that I know of. Except lousy tech support maybe...


April 13th- my friend Robert's birthday! Happy 43rd, dude!


- Another notice from Mr. Hill Johnson that there's an ATM card awaiting me in Benin. Mr. Frank Ben Okoye is going to have to wait for me to scare up those fees. Did they want weasel charges too?


- Dr. Barry Stephen (a Doctor! Oh, credibility!) at adamd1@gmail.com (return mail hanicsmith1@yahoo.com) says:

"Dear Beneficiary Winner,


Congratulations!! Your E-mail ID has Won you ATM Card $1.500.000.00 USD
in the on-going ©Mexico National Freelotto.
Your Email Address was selected through a computer ballot system drawn
from 25,000 company individual Email Addresses from Australia, New Zealand,
North America,South America, Europe, Asia and Africa as part of International
Promotions Program. This promo is the 1st of its kind and we intend to
sensitize the public. Your Email Address was attached to a ticket
number "099-22-04-552". Your Batch Number 010/04/Euxp, and Reference
EU/8364x6/10.


You will be sent an ATM card used to withdraw your money in any ATM machine
in any part of the world, so if you like to receive your fund in this way.
Please contact the FEDEX DELIVER COURIER to re-confirm your correct
mailing address information and make a payment of $250 USD only
[Two Hundred And Fifty Dollars Only] for the Package safe Shipping fee
of the said ATM Card."

With ID of course. And if I tell anybody, the deal's off.

Oops.


- Rami Makhlouf at mrakhlouframi@yahoo.com (return mail at mmrramiakhlouf@live.com) offers a short note:

"Good Day,

Please can I have your attention regarding my proposed project in your country and i will require your acceptance and willinness to carry out the project , before giving you more details about the project and your areas of participation.


Hoping to hear from you soon.

Regards

Rami Makhlouf"

Hmm. I wonder what sort of project this might be? A building project? Maybe a craft project- I'm good at crafts...


- The Camelot Group (once and future!) at info@camelot.com (return mail nlccamelotgroup@kimo.com) has good news!

"Your E-mail Address has won One Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars ($ 1,500,000,00)
on the Ongoing National Lottery Commission (Camelot Group
and attached with Serial num Ref: LWA/611/12 Release Code No: 201200 and your Winning
number (NLC/CAM-UKL/ASIA/9USLW107/12) which subsequently brings you
as one of the 8 jackpot winners in this draw. This draws was conducted in
Malaysia,Australia/UK on the 13th April 2012."

I do of course contact them with information and pony up the money for fees to release this prize...

Camelot.com may be a blind box- the website is a portal for medieval role-playing, costumes, etc. Kimo.com has been flagged for spam generation (ya think?) and doesn't appear to have a legit purpose.

Think I'll pass, guys.


April 14:


- Leo at sajernhgtky@embarqmail.com (return mail rhodawiltond@globomail.com) claims to be writing for the United Nations! And he says:

"UNITED NATION AND EUROPEAN UNION OFFICIAL WINNING PAYMENT VALUED $8,300,000M

UNITED NATION ORGANIZATION AND EUROPEAN UNION ORGANIZATION do hereby give this irrevocable approval order with Release Code: GNC/3480/02/00 in your favor for your contract entitlement/award winning payment with the UNITED NATION to your nominated bank account. Now your new Payment,United nation Approval No;UN5685P,White House Approved No:WH44CV, Reference o.-35460021, Allocation No: 674632 Password No: 339331 , Pin Code No: 55674 and your Certificate of Merit Payment No : 103 , Released Code No: 0763; Immediate Citibank Telex confirmation No: -1114433 ; Secret Code No:XXTN013, Having received these vital payment number , therefore You are qualified now to received and confirm Your payment with the United Nation immediately within the next 72hrs."

72 hrs? Too late. Just as well, as he wanted

"1) YOUR FULL NAME:
2) ADDRESS:
CITY, STATE:
3) PHONE:
4) COMPANY NAME(IF ANY) POSITION AND ADDRESS
5) BANK DETAILS:
BANK NAMES:
ACCOUNT NO:
ROUTING NO:
SWIFT CODE :
BANK ADDRESS:
6) PROFESSION AND MARITAL STATUS,
7) COPY OF YOUR INT'L PASSPORT/DRIVERS LICENSE"

Looks legit, right?


- Zenith Bank at kuieryde@AOL.COM (return mail godwinemefiele20200@yahoo.co.jp)claims:

"WE HAVE VERIFIED YOUR CONTRACT FILE PRESENTLY ON MY DESK, AND I FOUND OUT THAT YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED YOUR PAYMENT DUE TO YOUR LACK OF CO-OPERATION AND NOT FULFILLING THE OBLIGATIONS GIVING TO YOU IN RESPECT TO YOUR CONTRACT PAYMENT. AFTER THE BOARD MEETING HELD AT OUR HEADQUARTERS, WE HAVE RESOLVED IN FINDING A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM, AND AS YOU MAY KNOW, WE HAVE ARRANGED YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH OUR SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTRE IN EUROPE ,AMERICA, AFRICA AND ASIA PACIFIC, WHICH IS THE INSTRUCTION GIVEN BY OUR PRESIDENT ,MR GOOD LUCK JONATHAN (GCFR) FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA. THIS CARD CENTRE WILL SEND YOU AN ATM CARD WORTH THE TOTAL SUM OF US$7,000,000.00 WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR 7,000,000.00 USD IN AN ATM MACHINE. REPLY TO THIS OFFICE IMMEDIATELY WITH YOUR CONTACT DETAILS FOR THE ISSUING OF YOUR (ATM)CARD IN YOUR FAVOR AS YOUR INHERITANCE. EMAIL ME BACK MR GODWIN EMEFIELE."

DUDE DON"T SHOUT!

Wait, do banks use AOL and yahoo? I thought AOL was moribund...


- Esther writes from pedro@ch.cablemas.com (return mail esther_01norman@yahoo.com):

"Hello Dear,

I know this might come to you as a surprise, but please do accept it in
good faith and treat as a matter of urgency with utmost confidentiality.

My name is Esther Norman from Khartoum,Sudan; North-Eastern Africa, now
seeking political asylum in Dakar Senegal under the UNHCR as a refugee."

How much you wanna bet she has money to smuggle out of the country?

"I am searching for a true friend, kind and honest to stand as my foreign
representative to help me receive my inheritance funds so I can leave this
camp and come to your country to continue my education.

I shall explain further as soon as I get your sincere response to help me.

Please kindly reply if you know in your heart you would want to help me.
Remain Bless."

Ding! Ding! I knew it!

"Esther
*kisses**"

Kisses to you too, dear. Cause that's all you'll get from me!


- April 15- Tax day! Except it isn't Tax day this year, since the 15th was a Sunday. Oh well.


- A new address! user@ccdzee.com says there's an ATM card waiting for me in Benin, and I need to take care of some weasel fees and contact

Mr. Frank Ben Okoye
United Parcel Service (UPS)
107, Rue Réaumur 00229 Cotonou
Benin Republic, Tel: +229 9794 8648
Email: upsservice92@gmail.com

Persistent, aren't they!


- Dr. Lee Young at info@kimo.com (kimo again! Hmm!) with a return mail of wunion62@kimo.com, says:

"You are Entitled to Receive a Total sum of $1,500,000.00 USD from United
Nations Social Responsibility Cash Aid Programme in this year,call our 24
Helpline @Tel:+6016-4300-190 for more information on
how you are to Receive your daily Installment payment of $4,600.U.S,dollars from our Western Union
Payment Service Malaysia.Reconfirm your:Name:___Address:___Age:____Sex:_____Telephone____Occupation:___Country_____
Yours truly
Dr.Lee Young
Western Union/Coordinator"

Telephone number? Sure. Maybe I should give them the number for the lion house at the Bronx Zoo. That was a hoot last time I did it...


April 16:


- Mrs. Elaine at ls@zajil.net (mrs.elaine02@hotmail.com) says:

"UK NATIONAL FREELOTTO INC.
http://www.freelotto.com/
Freelotto License: UK1094
Our Ref: UNL2/8KL
Dear lucky winner,

This is to inform you that you have been emerged a winner of 852,000.00
Pounds Sterling on our online random draw Played on the 10th of April,
2012. For further more Information about your Winnings, contact your
Freelotto Fiduciary Agent: Mrs. Elaine"

Gee. They sure have a lot of lotteries in the UK. Where are they getting the money? Have they snuck into Bess' bank vault?


- The Helpdesk Support Center (info@web.com- how are so many people posting from the same address?) with a return mail of webhelpsupportcenter@9.cn tells me:

"Dear Account User,

This message is from the helpdesk support center. Be informed that your mail box
has exceeded the storage limit set by your administrator/database, you are currently
running out of context and you may not be able to send or receive some new mail
until you re-validate your mailbox.

To prevent your email account from been closed, re-validate your mailbox below to
enable us increase the storage limit:

User Name:
User Email:
Email Password:
Webmail Login:

Your account shall remain active after you have successfully confirmed your account
details.Thank you for your swift response to this notification we apologize for any
inconvenience.

We appreciate your continued help and support.

Regards,
Helpdesk Support Center."

Hmm. Checked my email account- it's fine- I download everything from the server so there's nothing in my box. Maybe I won't give them my password.


- Mr Tony Albert at test@beca.rs (return mail mr.tony_albert@yahoo.com) has a new one for me (this is rather long):

"Greetings to you,


This is just a short true note about your unpaid fund, therefore, you
need to relax and read very well to your best understanding.


I am Mr. Tony Albert. A computer scientist hired from Germany to work
with central bank of Nigeria because of my ability to operate
computerized activities. I am 25 years old, just started working with
C.B.N. I came across your file which was marked 'X' and your released
disk painted RED, I took time to study it and found out that you have
paid VIRTUALLY all fees but the fund was not released to you."

Well, why not?

"The most annoying thing is that they won't tell you the truth that on
no account will they ever release the fund to you, instead they allow
you spend money unnecessarily, I do not intend to work here all the
days of my life, I can make the funds be released to you if you can
certify me of my security and assure me that when I make the release,
you will settle me."

Oh, you dear man! How can I ever thank you!

"I needed to do this because you need to know the status of your Funds
and cause for the delay as well being in your shoe, Please this is
like a Mafia setting in Nigeria, you may not understand it because you
are not a Nigerian or you might not have been to Nigeria. The only
thing needed to release this fund is the Original Anti drug/terrorist
clearance certificate which will be tendered to any of your nominated
bank and the INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE (IRS) for clearance of the
transferred amount in your account. I also understand that many of
these Mafias might have told you to pay for such before which you
might be thinking that it is the original you are paying for, but I
must assure you that the only person who is in the position to give
you the original is in the Federal Ministry of Finance."

Mafia! In Nigeria? Does Guido know about this?

"Once the Original Anti drug /terrorist clearance certificate is
obtained funds will immediately reflect in your bank within 24 Hours,
the certificate is all that is needed to complete this transaction.

The only authorized person who will issue you your Original document
from the Federal Ministry of Finance is


Honorable Njoku
Phone number is +234 8076563165
E-mail honorablenjoku@yahoo.com
Subject File Marked "X" Release Disk Painted RED."

Right. I'll just write that down here... 'painted red...'

"Before you contact him, I want you to know that you cannot get the
certificate for free, as he will not even want to give you but if you
indicate your file to him in good faith, he will understand because he
is a God fearing person who has Human sympathy. and the cost of
purchase is $920.00 only (NINE HUNDRED AND TWENTY UNITED STATES
DOLLARS ONLY)"

$920! That's much more than the usual $55 plus weasel fees!

"Please Note: when contacting him, do not/ never tell him I was the
one, just make sure you indicate your file letter X and tell him
painted colour Red so that he would recognize your file."

Your secret is safe with me! I won't tell a soul! I'll just put it here on the internet...

"Note that the actual funds is valued at $75,000 USD and the president
made a compensation fund release for all unpaid beneficiaries valued
at $5 million USD.

Therefore, you will not be able to receive your Original initial fund
but the sum of $4 million will be transferred to you as soon as the
original documents is cleared and every two weeks after the first four
million had been paid to you, they will make deposit of 1 million into
your account every two weeks but the important thing is to get the
Certificate and the first four Million."

Wait, is it $75,000 or $5 million? I'm confused.

"Listed below are the mafia's and banks behind the non release of your
funds that I managed to sneak out for your kind perusal.

1) Prof. Charles soludo (had been sacked from CBN by the Federal Government)
2) Chief Joseph Sanusi
3) Dr. R. Rasheed
4) Barrister Awele Ugorji
5) Mr. Roland Ngwa
6) Barrister Ucheuzo Williams
7) Mr. Ernest Chukwudi Obi
8) Dr. Patrick Aziza
Deputy Governor - Policy / Board Member
9) Mr. Tunde Lemo
Deputy Governor - Financial Sector Surveillance / Board Member
10) Mrs. W. D. A. Mshelia
Deputy Governor - Corporate Services / Board Members
11) Mrs. Okonjo Iweala
12) Mrs. Rita Ekwesili
13) Barr Jacob Onyema
14) Dr. Godwin Oboh: Director Union Bank Of Nigeria.
15) Mr. John Collins: Global Diplomat Director.
16) Foreign fund diplomatic courier
17) Barr. Becky Owens
18) Rev. Steven Jones
19) Bank of Africa
20) Mrs. Debbie Hargrove
21) Mr. Michael Wagner
22) ADB Bank Ouagadougou Burkina Faso
23) FSA UK
24) NATWEST BANK
25) ECO Bank
26) Credit Bank
27) Dr. Mrs. Linda L. Ibeh
28) Dr. Sani Amend

And many others that I do not have advantage of posting here."

Holy banknotes, Batman! All of those people conspiring against me!

"Do get in touch with me immediately to conclude this final transaction
immediately, and also send to me your convenient address, Tel/Fax
numbers for easy communications.

contact me : mr.tony_albert@yahoo.com or mr.tonyalber@gmail.com


Regards,
Mr. Tony Albert"

Wow. Now, who exactly do I send the $920 to? And are there weasel fees?


- destiny_sarah@rediffmail.com... oh, Sarah Destiny! My destiny! With a return mail of faith_goodlucky@yahoo.com (now there's an address that inspires confidence!) tells me:

"hello My Dear,
i am miss Sarah,i would like to know more about you as i come across your contact and pick interest,please contact me through (sarah_destiny01@yahoo.com) for more detail of myself and send my pics for you to know me.Best regards Sarah,"

Is that in English? I'm not sure...


- Loveth Anthony at mrsanthony1021@hotmail.com (return mail sanusiudo@hotmail.com) informs me:

"YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS HAS WON, $2,500.000.00USD. CONGRATULATIONS""


DEAR WINNER,

WE ARE PLEASED TO INFORM YOU ABOUT THE LOTTERY DRAW HELD ON THE 1ST OF APRIL 2012 FROM THE SWEEPSTAKE FREE INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY PROGRAMMED. YOUR E-MAIL EMERGED AS A WINNER OF $2,500.000.00 USD (TWO MILLION AND FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) IN THIS YEARS INTERNATIONAL LOTTO PROGRAM.

NOTE. YOUR WINNING MONEY WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO YOU THROUGH OUR BANK ZONE HEADQUARTERS IN UNITED STATES AS YOUR WINNING FILES FALL UNDER OUR BRANCH ZONE. SO CONTACT OUR AFRICAN AGENT COORDINATOR AGENT MALLAM OMAR EDRIS WHICH YOUR WINNING NUMBERS FALL IN HIS CUSTODY, HE IS OUR REPRESENTING AGENT IN AFRICA HE WILL GIVE YOU DETAILS ON HOW TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE."

Uh, US, or Africa?

Of course I have to contact their agent with all of my personal and banking information... Can I trust someone named Loveth? Or is this just a passing fancy?


- Mr. Peter Eric at webmaster@daelimins.com (return mail www.westerncustomercare9@9.cn) has lotto money for me in Benin! Of course I have to send $55 plus some other fees to the Western Union office... They don't list weasel taxes. Those might be extra.


- Another one from Kenneth Oliver, offering me 40% of that $17.5 million. Really have to wonder that I'm the best choice to get this money for him. I wouldn't trust me to do that without messing it up!


- info@clubcy.net (return mail SMChaseNotification@chase.com) wants me to click on a link to verify my account. I took my money out of Chase omnths ago. Why would they contact me now?


***Enough for now. I'm getting closer to being caught up! Next time, some real doozies!

Salty, greasy goodness!

April 8:


- Mr Lusee Mark at mr.lusee2627@msn.com (return mail mr.lusee@gmail.com) is a bank manager in Burkina Faso, and he says:

I found the deposited fund amounted SEVEN MILLION TWO HUNNDERED THOUSAND DOLLARS (USD7,200,000.00).customer who died in the air crash with his entire family. However, I shall detail you with the full information as soon as I hear from you. Can you be able and capable to assist me provide your receiving bank account where this fund will lodge in your favour? I shall give you 30% of the total sum as soon as this fund hits your account and I shall visit you in your country for the shearing. Please this is very confidential.

...As would be all of the personal information he asks for, I'm sure. Nah. I'm providing you all with this information for free. I'm relatively certain that he would sell mine.


- Cool! Carol Binder at Carol.Binder@imgworld.com wrote to tell me:

Claims of BMW SALOON CAR AND £45,000.00 pounds has been won by you on our BMW PROMOTION 2012 .Do get

back to this office with your information's below and you can call this numbers for confirmation (+447024016394).

Make sure that you send the needed information's to this email (gray.richard66@msnzone.cn)

A BMW! And pounds sterling! Wow! Waitaminnit... how much will it cost to ship that car here? 45,000 pounds? And all of the fees, I suppose. And is it right-hand drive? I don't know if I can get the hang of that...


April 9:


- Ms Teresa Au has a very odd email address- f925@mail.taian.com.tw (Taiwan?) for the note she sent me:

Hello,

I am Ms. Teresa Au, HSBC Hong Kong, head of corporate sustainability Asia pacific region. A sum of US$23,200,000.00 Million was deposited by our Late customer who died without declaring any next of kin before his death in 2007.

My suggestion to you is to stand as the next of kin to Fadel Ahmed. We shall share in the ratio of 50% for me, 50% for you. Please contact me via this e-mail.( teresaau_online1@w.cn ).

Strangely enough, it does bother me a bit when the various email addresses in one of these don't match, especially when they come from different countries. And then there's the little issue of waiting 5 years to tell me to claim kinship to someone I've never hear of... let me guess- I put up some money to open an account that we'll then put all this money in before we divy it up, right?


April 10:


- Jerry Williamson at jerryw@tfc.edu says:

I am Michael Kuo. I have a business offer worth $30.5M. emaill me at michaelkuo14@yahoo.com.hk

So, tfc.edu is apparently at Toccoa Falls College, a "Globally Engaged Christ-Centered College", and this global entity is "located in the foothills of the Northeast Georgia Mountains". Hoo-kay! A hotbed of international business propositions! A browse through their staff listing shows Jerry Williamson as the manager of their physical plant.

So why is Michael Kuo using Jerry's email to send out spam? Hmm?


- a very lovely (I'm guessing here) Miss Ivon Kouma at missivon.129@msn.com (return mail missivonkouma@yahoo.co.jp) says:

My name is Miss Ivon Kouma. It give me a great pleasure to write you i was browsing when i came across your email contact and it attracts me to write to you so that we can be friends if you will have the desire as me. i will be very happy to be in communication with you so that we can get to know each other better and see what happens in future. I await your reply so that i can tell you more about my self and give you my picture. I will be waiting to hear from you.

Wow. She was attracted to my email address? Duuubious!


- Mr Brian Miller at bm75111@zmail.com write to tell me that

The Online Marketing Director of May FieldFinancial Institute Plc a registered and certified loan lender.I give outLoans at 3% interest rate to those in need of Loan.We give out bothPersonal Loans and Business Loans.We give out Personal Loans at the rangeof $1,000.00 to $100,000.00 while Business Loans are given out from therange of $100,000.00 to $10,000,000.00.

Apparently there is an entity called Field Financial. But 'May Field Financial' googles up to a long line of fraud notices. And interestingly enough, this email, complete with that name and address, turned up in the fraud bins in '07. Mrs Brian Miller (who apparently is operating out of Nigeria) should be applauded for staying at the same crappy job for five years!


- Mr Zanko Ali at mr.zankoali.98@msn.com (return address mr.zanko.ali2010@gmail.com) says "REPLY URGENT PLEASE!!" and

My late Client has a deposit of Ten Million Five Hundred Thousand United State dollars (US$10. 5Million Dollars) left behind here in our bank, I contacted you so I can present you as my late client next of kin, so the money can be transferred to your account and we will share it together at equal share, 50% for you and 50% for me. After that, I shall immediately come over to your country for investment with my own share of the money.

Wow! Another one! I must me the very first choice for standing in as next of kin for unclaimed money. I am so special!

But what is the 50/50 thing? If I'm next of kin, I get it all, dude!


- Mrs Malik Ali at malakk69@msn.com (return mail malak_ali004@yahoo.co.jp) has a similar proposition for me, with a 30/70 split.

Seems Zanko has the better deal!


- The next one comes from ifadcoordinator70@rediffmail.com (return mail ifadcoordinator@yahoo.com). It's rather long, but very interesting!

INTERNATIONAL FUND FOR AGRICULTURAL DEVELOPMENT

1-11 John Adam Street London WC2N 6AG
TEL:+447010039819
FAX:+44 50 32 71 300


DEAREST CO-ORDINATOR,

FIRSTLY I MUST SOLICIT YOUR GENUINE CONFIDENCE IN THIS SUBJECT AS REGARDS TO ITS IMPORTANCE. THE INTERNATIONAL FUND FOR AGRICULTURAL DEVELOPMENT (IFAD) A SPECIALIZED AGENCY OF THE UNITED NATIONS, IN PARTNERSHIP WITH THE EUROPEAN COMMISSION (EC) AND THE UNITED NATIONS CAPITAL DEVELOPMENT FUND(UNCDF), ARE PLEASED TO LAUNCH A (20O MILLION POUNDS) FINANCING FACILITY FOR REMITTANCES(FFR) TO REDUCE RURAL POVERTY AND PROMOTE DEVELOPMENT IN 2012.

THE FACILITY WILL INCREASE ECONOMIC OPPORTUNITIES FOR THE RURAL POOR COMMUNITIES THROUGH THE SUPPORT AND DEVELOPMENT OF INNOVATIVE COST-EFFECTIVE AND EASILY ACCESSIBLE INTERNATIONAL OR DOMESTIC REMITTANCE SERVICES WITHIN AFRICAN, EUROPEAN, MIDDLE EAST, ASIAN, AND LATIN AMERICAN COUNTRIES.

WE ARE VERY PLEASED TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED THROUGH AN ONLINE-BASED BALLOT SYSTEM TO ACT AS YOUR COUNTRY COORDINATOR OF THIS PROJECT IN YOUR COUNTRY. TO THIS EFFECT, WE WILL DISBURSE THE SUM OF (700,000.00 POUNDS) SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS TO YOU FOR THE PROMOTION OF AGRICULTURAL DEVELOPMENT IN YOUR REGION.
IN THE MEANTIME, YOU ARE REQUESTED TO SUBMIT THE INFORMATION LISTED BELOW TO OUR PROGRAMME COORDINATOR, BARR.COLIN CHESHER VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS:
www.ifadcordinator@live.com TO ENABLE US PROCEED WITH THE PROCESSING OF THE GRANT.
===================
FULL NAME:......................... .....
CONTACT ADDRESS:...................... ...
DATE OF BIRTH:....................
SEX:........................
AGE :.............................

.
TELEPHONE NUMBER:.................
MOBILE NUMBER:....................... ....
MARITAL STATUS:....................... ....
PRESENT OCCUPATION:................
COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:....................
====================
AFTER THE SUBMISSION OF THIS INFORMATION, MORE DETAILS WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY.
NOTE: THE SELECTION OF YOUR E-MAIL IS NOT A GUARANTEE THAT THE SUM SHALL BE AWARDED TO YOU. IF THE SUBMITTED PERSONAL PROFILE FALL SHORT OF OUR REQUIREMENTS, YOU SHALL BE AUTOMATICALLY DISQUALIFIED.
BE INFORMED THAT THE MONEY WILL BE SENDING INTO YOUR ACCOUNT THERE IN YOUR COUNTRY , UNDER THE SUPERVISION OUR REPRESENTATIVE TO AVOID ANY COMPLICATION, AFTER OUR SATIFICATION OF YOUR INFORMATION GIVEN TO US.
THANKS FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED UNDERSTANDING.

REGARDS,
Mrs Margret Cole

Wow. So let me get this. An international fund, that is working with United Nations programs, is selecting officers to disburse money via *random lottery*? And they want me to help with this rural redevelopment program?

In Oregon?


April 11:

- Tony Chan has two email addresses: chan1@yahoo.com and chan.tony34@yahoo.com.hk. He asks me to "Acknowledge my email", and tells me a long story about a friend of his who died and a long battle with relatives etc as there was no direct heir. Apparently most of it was settled, but:

Now the reason why I have contacted you is that there is also some other Funds in the tune of $12,000,000.00 with the Hang Seng Bank China,and I want Your assistance for me to transfer these funds in your name to your account for Both of us I will agree to share with you in a negotiable percentage as far as You agree to take part in this mutual benefiting opportunity. Please I count on your absolute confidentiality, transparency and trust while Looking жowяrd to your prompt response this Business transaction

So what's the split on this one? 50/50?


- Mrs Marie at info@jacob.com (return mail fdexglobship@yahoo.com.hk) sends me this:

You have a bank draft of $800,000.00 USD which awaits outstanding payment of $50 USD. Contact Mr. Hemant Singh Email: fdexglobship@yahoo.com.hk

(rustle rustle) Nope. Don't have it on me. Think they'd take it in cookies?


- PEUGEOT AUTOMOBILES LOTTERY writes from info@winner.com (return mail peugeot.customerassistant@cyberservices.com) to tell me:

This is to notify you that your email have been selected by our random
email selector mechine for a cash prize of £700,000.00 (Seven Hundred
Thousand Great British Pounds) and a brand new Peugeot 4008 Car,From
the International online programs held on the 20th of March 2012 in
London the United Kingdom .

*IF* I send them a bunch of information, of course. Maybe they should keep the money and hire a proofreader.


- likhua@yahoo.com.my (return mail lin12linhug@shqiptar.eu) simply says:

I need you to claim some money for me.Reply for explanation

Simple. My answer is no.


- a Mr John Bassey writes from johnson131313@web.de to tell me that though I did not respond to his last letter, there is still an ATM card worth $8.500.000 waiting for me in a UPS office in Benin, and would I please send money for all of the international fees, etc, directly to:

Mr. Frank Ben Okoye
United Parcel Service (UPS)
107, Rue Réaumur 00229 Cotonou
Benin Republic, Tel: +229 9794 8648
Email: ups-service1978@hotmail.com

Huh. Why is he writing from Germany to tell me this?

***

Well kiddies, that's all for today. Next time- more tasty spiced meat product!