May 3:
- From web.offi1e.3.8.0.9@att.net (return mail financia@postino.net) another loan offer. No real particulars, but they are very interested in my personal information!
As are we all...
- jasshugh72@yahoo.com (return mail worldb_auditor@qatar.io) claims to be from an officer of the World Bank. They say that I am on a list of emails of people who were victims of email scams (No! Really?) and if I send them my personal information, they will send me an ATM card worth $1.5 million dollars. Are they planning to charge me $55 and weasel tax to pick it up in Benin?
- Jenny Venn at jennyven1winbrosey@yahoo.com (return mail jennyvewinbrosey@hotmail.com) is a student at UCLA in her fourth year, who says she is American but possess what appears to be a rudimentary grasp on the English language. Mind, I am well aware that she may simply be an average American student, but she comes across as Someone Not From Here who wants to appear chic... At any rate, she says she is a student in International Relations.
Really Jenny, I'm not interested in your sex life.
She wants to get in touch with me with the intent of my going with her to a UN conference on deadly 'diseases like HIV and secondly to reduce violence like war & civil war and terrorist act'.
Tell you what, Jenny. You take another year of English and I'll consider that conference on 'terrorist act'. They might need a translator for something.
- Oh no! Mrs Susan at mothersamsonamson2@gmail.com still needs help with motherless babies. Well, my answer is still no...
- Miss Salma writing from at misssalmabb@gmail.com (return mail salmaibrahim0@yahoo.com.hk- an interesting address from someone who says she is writing from Burkina Faso) wants to be my soul mate. She'll even send me a picture.
Sorry Miss Salma, but I don't swing that way. Would you care for a picture of some spam? It might suffice if you're looking for some pork.
- NOKIA CHARITY GRANT ANNUAL AWARD at info@nokia.org (return mail nokiawlotter@bricksmail.com) claims that my 'E-mail ID has won Ј1,000,000 GBP,and two laptops and one nokia phone for on going NOKIA CHARITY GRANT ANNUAL AWARD'.
Awesome. But why do they need my occupation and marital status?
- From info@mail.com again, with a return mail at paul.cardle1@yahoo.com.hk.
I have a risk free business deal worth Sixty Million pounds (GBP),I work with the Bank of Scotland and need a trustworthy partner. Contact me via my private email(paul.cardle1@yahoo.com.hk) for more details .
And an attachment with more information. And likely a virus (*koff!*wheeze!*) or a Trojan (Beware of Scots bearing gifts from Hong Kong!). No thank you!
- Another message from Western Union at allochu2@konin.lm.pl (return mail westunion.22011@rediffmail.com) in Nigeria with money waiting for me! They have a better deal than the folks in Benin- they only want $35 to claim my money. Plus weasel fees, of course. And I have to give them the secret word.
What, do I look like Grouch Marx?
- Mrs Amina Saib at aminasaib305@yahoo.com says that she in a financial consultant in London, and she has a sad, sad story to tell. She is a widow and has no children, and she tells me with tears rolling down her eyes!, that-
"I want you to assist me in receiving the fund (GBP.�9,000,000.00), and distributing the money to charity Organizations, I agree to reward you with part of the money for your Assistance, kindness and participation in this Godly project."
Here's a tissue dear.
May 4:
From the account of Corrie A. Biles atcbiles@uark.edu , a Mr Duffy Kennedy, the Auditor General, Bond Finance Ireland, writes to tell me that he found in an audit some money ($18.5 million!) that belonged to Albert Kovshevnikov, who died intestate in 2002. He wants to sneak this out of the bank before it reverts to the state, and he's willing to give me part of it if I'll help him.
What is it with these millionaires dying intestate? And unnoticed, apparently. Isn't this odd?
- From info@abc-complett.de an Eva Morrison from Mississippi (return mail evans_morrison@rocketmail.com) says that while attached with the US Army in Afghanistan ('attached'? What, rope? Duct tape? Super glue?) she and a group of soldiers found a huge cache of money- and they'll give me 15% if I'll help them get it out of the country.
Sorry Eva, the going rate seems to be 30%. But there seems to be someone in Benin who will help you launder it for the small fee of $55. Think you can handle that?
- Reginard Adams at reginard@volkswagen.com (return mail fedex_d@blumail.org) says that I need to contact Mr John Williams at FedEx in West Africa about the $800,00 bank draft they are holding for me. They just needs $95 in courier fees...
Wow guys, I didn't realize that there was such a price difference between Western Union and FedEx! Perhaps I should hook up Mr John Williams with the folks at Western Union!
May 5:
- Greetings From Alexander Wilmot-Sitwell at churchist@blumail.org (return mail wilmotalex@ciudad.com.ar), an investment consultant working with Bank UBS AG Zurich presently at their offshore department. He apparently found $155 million just rattling around in a back room somewhere, unclaimed. If I will give him my personal info and a cell number, he'd like to talk to me about claiming some of this money. We'll split the proceeds, of course. And I need to keep this TOP SECRET of course.
TOP SECRET YOU SAY? HOW ABOUT IF I PUT IT ON MY BLOG? IS THAT TOP SECRET?
May 6:
- Mr Lusee at mr.lusee3768@msn.com (return mail mr.lusee@gmail.com) in Burkina Faso just found *gasp!* unclaimed money in an account at his bank! Of course he needs help getting this money out of the country and is willing to give me 30%...
YAWN. Same old, same old. You think they'd find a new approach...
- Teresa Au at sirikul@onep.go.th at HSBC has the same story. Except she is offering me 50% Dude, Teresa's my kind of gal!
May 7:
- USPS, at the improbable email address of yapie@staff.gunadarma.ac.id (return mail usps.deliverypost092@topmail.com) says:
Greetings! Your have unclaimed Confirmable Bank Draft worth 1,000,000 Great Britain Pounds with FedEx Couriers You have been given 5 working days to File for(claim) your unclaimed parcel.
Ok, let me see if I can follow this: The United States Postal Service, with an email address in Indonesia, has a bank draft in British Pounds, waiting with FedEx?
Are we sure it isn't a Western Union office in Benin?
- Dr.Tony Elumelu, Managing Director, Magnum Asset Management, at rollyb@telkomsa.net (return mail tonyelum@hotmail.com) has *drum roll!* found unclaimed money at his bank that he needs help getting out of Nigeria. And he's willing to give me 20%!
Dude, with his 80%, think he'll get himself a real address?
- Alexander Wilmot-Sitwell, an investment consultant at churchist@blumail.org (return mail wilmotalex@ciudad.com.ar) has unclaimed funds that he needs to get out of the country, and he's willing to give me 40%. I'm guessing that with his 60%, he'll be going to Aruba, where his ISP is. Suntan oil for all, his treat!
May 8:
- Mr Alex J. Udo at mgudo@voila.fr (return mail mgudo1@voila.fr) says that he has completed our business, and the money he promised is waiting for me in Hong Kong. To finish things and arrange the transfer, I need to contact Mr.Pete Suggs at +234 803 88 215 86.
How Mr Suggs is going to do this from his office in Lagos, Nigeria, I do not know. Maybe their weasel tax is lower than in Hong Kong?
- Och! A Scotsman Robert Smith at robertssm02@att.net (return mail roberts014@hotmail.com) has an investment opportunity! They're looking for someone who can invest $50 million dollars.
Well, that leaves me out...
Haggis looks a lot like SPAM, aye?
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