Hear it sizzling! Smell that spiced meat product!

April 12:


-International Power Ball Lottery Program at dept.agnt191@gmail.com

 "wishes to notify you that you have been chosen through a Computer Ballot System as one of the recipients for 2012 Online Sweepstake Promotion Draw. You are among the jackpot lucky winners for the sum of £2,400,000.00 (Two Million Four Hundred Thousand British Pounds) Prize promotion Award which is organized by International Power Ball Promotion Inc." 

Of course they need some personal information, and won't I please open this attachment for more details?
Mmm... tasty, tasty virus! It will go with my spam and eggs, don't you think? Just after I reformat my computer...


-Mr. Hill John at johnhill10101010@web.de says that there is an ATM card with $8.5 million dollars on it waiting for me at a UPS office in Benin. I just need to pay some fees on it of course, and I need to contact

Mr. Frank Ben Okoye
United Parcel Service (UPS)
107, Rue Réaumur 00229 Cotonou
Benin Republic, Tel: +229 9794 8648
Email: upsservice92@gmail.com

Wow! I just got one of these the other day! Does that mean there's two, or is this a second notice? Well, of course I'll send them all of my personal information, including age and occupation. How does None of Your Business and Frustrated Writer/Historian sound?


-Genuine Loan at jlturner@uaex.edu (return mail at j.frust.0.1@postino.net) just says:

"Do You need loan at 3?? reply us today with the amount needed and duration." 

Mm... How about a cool million, with a 70-year duration. That should do. Think they'll bite?


-Barrister.Kenneth Oliver at barristerkennetholiver@gmail.com (return mail at kennetholiver42@gmail.com) Says:

"Dear Friend,

Good Day !
I am Barrister.Kenneth Oliver,the personal assistance to the late engr.Edward (snr) a national of your country.My late Client has a deposit of ($17.5MILLION) Seventeen Million And Five Hundred Thousand Dollars lodged in a security company in Spain.And i have all the information including the DEPOSITE CERTIFICATE.
A wealthy business man who died as the result of a heart-related condition on march 12th 2005.his heart condition was due to the death of all the members of his family including his next of kin in the tsunami disaster"

Of course he needs my personal information, and if I'll help him obtain this money, he'll give me 40% of it. $3 million dollars for my bank information. I suppose all of the fees and stamps and weasel costs come out of that $3 million, or is that net?


-Mrs. Yvonne Col at winners789@microsoft.co.uk (return mail robertronson68@07168.cn) writes that

"Microsoft Award Team 20 Craven Park, Harlesden London NW10 United Kingdom Ref:
BTD/507/08 Batch: 274405A

Dear Sir/Madam,
The prestigious Micrsoft, Aol and Yahoo has set out and sucessfully organized a
Sweepstakes marking the yearly anniversary we rolled out over $100,000,000 USD (One
Hundred Million Dollars) for our yearly Anniversary Draws. Participants for the draws
were randomly selected and drawn from a wide range of web hosts which we enjoy their
patronage. The selection was made through a computer draw system attaching
personalised email addresses to ticket numbers. Microsoft and AOL are now the largest
Internet companies and in an effort to make sure that Internet Explorer remains the
most widely used program, Microsoft and AOL are running an e-mail data test.

Your email address as indicated was drawn and attached to ticket number 009705017469
with serial numbers BTD/5070648332/08 and drew the lucky numbers 14-21-25-39-40-47(20)
which subsequently won you $1,000,000 USD (One Million Dollars) already sent in a
PARCEL and other related documents as one of the 100 jackpot winners in this draw. You
have therefore won the entire winning sum of $1,000,000USD (One Million Dollars). The
draws registered as Draw number one was conducted in Brockley, London United Kingdom .
These Draws are commemorative and as such special."

Someone will be in touch with me about information, fees and taxes, etc etc...

I don't know about you, but Microsoft Corporation has never given out anything by random lottery that I know of. Except lousy tech support maybe...


April 13th- my friend Robert's birthday! Happy 43rd, dude!


- Another notice from Mr. Hill Johnson that there's an ATM card awaiting me in Benin. Mr. Frank Ben Okoye is going to have to wait for me to scare up those fees. Did they want weasel charges too?


- Dr. Barry Stephen (a Doctor! Oh, credibility!) at adamd1@gmail.com (return mail hanicsmith1@yahoo.com) says:

"Dear Beneficiary Winner,


Congratulations!! Your E-mail ID has Won you ATM Card $1.500.000.00 USD
in the on-going ©Mexico National Freelotto.
Your Email Address was selected through a computer ballot system drawn
from 25,000 company individual Email Addresses from Australia, New Zealand,
North America,South America, Europe, Asia and Africa as part of International
Promotions Program. This promo is the 1st of its kind and we intend to
sensitize the public. Your Email Address was attached to a ticket
number "099-22-04-552". Your Batch Number 010/04/Euxp, and Reference
EU/8364x6/10.


You will be sent an ATM card used to withdraw your money in any ATM machine
in any part of the world, so if you like to receive your fund in this way.
Please contact the FEDEX DELIVER COURIER to re-confirm your correct
mailing address information and make a payment of $250 USD only
[Two Hundred And Fifty Dollars Only] for the Package safe Shipping fee
of the said ATM Card."

With ID of course. And if I tell anybody, the deal's off.

Oops.


- Rami Makhlouf at mrakhlouframi@yahoo.com (return mail at mmrramiakhlouf@live.com) offers a short note:

"Good Day,

Please can I have your attention regarding my proposed project in your country and i will require your acceptance and willinness to carry out the project , before giving you more details about the project and your areas of participation.


Hoping to hear from you soon.

Regards

Rami Makhlouf"

Hmm. I wonder what sort of project this might be? A building project? Maybe a craft project- I'm good at crafts...


- The Camelot Group (once and future!) at info@camelot.com (return mail nlccamelotgroup@kimo.com) has good news!

"Your E-mail Address has won One Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars ($ 1,500,000,00)
on the Ongoing National Lottery Commission (Camelot Group
and attached with Serial num Ref: LWA/611/12 Release Code No: 201200 and your Winning
number (NLC/CAM-UKL/ASIA/9USLW107/12) which subsequently brings you
as one of the 8 jackpot winners in this draw. This draws was conducted in
Malaysia,Australia/UK on the 13th April 2012."

I do of course contact them with information and pony up the money for fees to release this prize...

Camelot.com may be a blind box- the website is a portal for medieval role-playing, costumes, etc. Kimo.com has been flagged for spam generation (ya think?) and doesn't appear to have a legit purpose.

Think I'll pass, guys.


April 14:


- Leo at sajernhgtky@embarqmail.com (return mail rhodawiltond@globomail.com) claims to be writing for the United Nations! And he says:

"UNITED NATION AND EUROPEAN UNION OFFICIAL WINNING PAYMENT VALUED $8,300,000M

UNITED NATION ORGANIZATION AND EUROPEAN UNION ORGANIZATION do hereby give this irrevocable approval order with Release Code: GNC/3480/02/00 in your favor for your contract entitlement/award winning payment with the UNITED NATION to your nominated bank account. Now your new Payment,United nation Approval No;UN5685P,White House Approved No:WH44CV, Reference o.-35460021, Allocation No: 674632 Password No: 339331 , Pin Code No: 55674 and your Certificate of Merit Payment No : 103 , Released Code No: 0763; Immediate Citibank Telex confirmation No: -1114433 ; Secret Code No:XXTN013, Having received these vital payment number , therefore You are qualified now to received and confirm Your payment with the United Nation immediately within the next 72hrs."

72 hrs? Too late. Just as well, as he wanted

"1) YOUR FULL NAME:
2) ADDRESS:
CITY, STATE:
3) PHONE:
4) COMPANY NAME(IF ANY) POSITION AND ADDRESS
5) BANK DETAILS:
BANK NAMES:
ACCOUNT NO:
ROUTING NO:
SWIFT CODE :
BANK ADDRESS:
6) PROFESSION AND MARITAL STATUS,
7) COPY OF YOUR INT'L PASSPORT/DRIVERS LICENSE"

Looks legit, right?


- Zenith Bank at kuieryde@AOL.COM (return mail godwinemefiele20200@yahoo.co.jp)claims:

"WE HAVE VERIFIED YOUR CONTRACT FILE PRESENTLY ON MY DESK, AND I FOUND OUT THAT YOU HAVE NOT RECEIVED YOUR PAYMENT DUE TO YOUR LACK OF CO-OPERATION AND NOT FULFILLING THE OBLIGATIONS GIVING TO YOU IN RESPECT TO YOUR CONTRACT PAYMENT. AFTER THE BOARD MEETING HELD AT OUR HEADQUARTERS, WE HAVE RESOLVED IN FINDING A SOLUTION TO YOUR PROBLEM, AND AS YOU MAY KNOW, WE HAVE ARRANGED YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH OUR SWIFT CARD PAYMENT CENTRE IN EUROPE ,AMERICA, AFRICA AND ASIA PACIFIC, WHICH IS THE INSTRUCTION GIVEN BY OUR PRESIDENT ,MR GOOD LUCK JONATHAN (GCFR) FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA. THIS CARD CENTRE WILL SEND YOU AN ATM CARD WORTH THE TOTAL SUM OF US$7,000,000.00 WHICH YOU WILL USE TO WITHDRAW YOUR 7,000,000.00 USD IN AN ATM MACHINE. REPLY TO THIS OFFICE IMMEDIATELY WITH YOUR CONTACT DETAILS FOR THE ISSUING OF YOUR (ATM)CARD IN YOUR FAVOR AS YOUR INHERITANCE. EMAIL ME BACK MR GODWIN EMEFIELE."

DUDE DON"T SHOUT!

Wait, do banks use AOL and yahoo? I thought AOL was moribund...


- Esther writes from pedro@ch.cablemas.com (return mail esther_01norman@yahoo.com):

"Hello Dear,

I know this might come to you as a surprise, but please do accept it in
good faith and treat as a matter of urgency with utmost confidentiality.

My name is Esther Norman from Khartoum,Sudan; North-Eastern Africa, now
seeking political asylum in Dakar Senegal under the UNHCR as a refugee."

How much you wanna bet she has money to smuggle out of the country?

"I am searching for a true friend, kind and honest to stand as my foreign
representative to help me receive my inheritance funds so I can leave this
camp and come to your country to continue my education.

I shall explain further as soon as I get your sincere response to help me.

Please kindly reply if you know in your heart you would want to help me.
Remain Bless."

Ding! Ding! I knew it!

"Esther
*kisses**"

Kisses to you too, dear. Cause that's all you'll get from me!


- April 15- Tax day! Except it isn't Tax day this year, since the 15th was a Sunday. Oh well.


- A new address! user@ccdzee.com says there's an ATM card waiting for me in Benin, and I need to take care of some weasel fees and contact

Mr. Frank Ben Okoye
United Parcel Service (UPS)
107, Rue Réaumur 00229 Cotonou
Benin Republic, Tel: +229 9794 8648
Email: upsservice92@gmail.com

Persistent, aren't they!


- Dr. Lee Young at info@kimo.com (kimo again! Hmm!) with a return mail of wunion62@kimo.com, says:

"You are Entitled to Receive a Total sum of $1,500,000.00 USD from United
Nations Social Responsibility Cash Aid Programme in this year,call our 24
Helpline @Tel:+6016-4300-190 for more information on
how you are to Receive your daily Installment payment of $4,600.U.S,dollars from our Western Union
Payment Service Malaysia.Reconfirm your:Name:___Address:___Age:____Sex:_____Telephone____Occupation:___Country_____
Yours truly
Dr.Lee Young
Western Union/Coordinator"

Telephone number? Sure. Maybe I should give them the number for the lion house at the Bronx Zoo. That was a hoot last time I did it...


April 16:


- Mrs. Elaine at ls@zajil.net (mrs.elaine02@hotmail.com) says:

"UK NATIONAL FREELOTTO INC.
http://www.freelotto.com/
Freelotto License: UK1094
Our Ref: UNL2/8KL
Dear lucky winner,

This is to inform you that you have been emerged a winner of 852,000.00
Pounds Sterling on our online random draw Played on the 10th of April,
2012. For further more Information about your Winnings, contact your
Freelotto Fiduciary Agent: Mrs. Elaine"

Gee. They sure have a lot of lotteries in the UK. Where are they getting the money? Have they snuck into Bess' bank vault?


- The Helpdesk Support Center (info@web.com- how are so many people posting from the same address?) with a return mail of webhelpsupportcenter@9.cn tells me:

"Dear Account User,

This message is from the helpdesk support center. Be informed that your mail box
has exceeded the storage limit set by your administrator/database, you are currently
running out of context and you may not be able to send or receive some new mail
until you re-validate your mailbox.

To prevent your email account from been closed, re-validate your mailbox below to
enable us increase the storage limit:

User Name:
User Email:
Email Password:
Webmail Login:

Your account shall remain active after you have successfully confirmed your account
details.Thank you for your swift response to this notification we apologize for any
inconvenience.

We appreciate your continued help and support.

Regards,
Helpdesk Support Center."

Hmm. Checked my email account- it's fine- I download everything from the server so there's nothing in my box. Maybe I won't give them my password.


- Mr Tony Albert at test@beca.rs (return mail mr.tony_albert@yahoo.com) has a new one for me (this is rather long):

"Greetings to you,


This is just a short true note about your unpaid fund, therefore, you
need to relax and read very well to your best understanding.


I am Mr. Tony Albert. A computer scientist hired from Germany to work
with central bank of Nigeria because of my ability to operate
computerized activities. I am 25 years old, just started working with
C.B.N. I came across your file which was marked 'X' and your released
disk painted RED, I took time to study it and found out that you have
paid VIRTUALLY all fees but the fund was not released to you."

Well, why not?

"The most annoying thing is that they won't tell you the truth that on
no account will they ever release the fund to you, instead they allow
you spend money unnecessarily, I do not intend to work here all the
days of my life, I can make the funds be released to you if you can
certify me of my security and assure me that when I make the release,
you will settle me."

Oh, you dear man! How can I ever thank you!

"I needed to do this because you need to know the status of your Funds
and cause for the delay as well being in your shoe, Please this is
like a Mafia setting in Nigeria, you may not understand it because you
are not a Nigerian or you might not have been to Nigeria. The only
thing needed to release this fund is the Original Anti drug/terrorist
clearance certificate which will be tendered to any of your nominated
bank and the INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE (IRS) for clearance of the
transferred amount in your account. I also understand that many of
these Mafias might have told you to pay for such before which you
might be thinking that it is the original you are paying for, but I
must assure you that the only person who is in the position to give
you the original is in the Federal Ministry of Finance."

Mafia! In Nigeria? Does Guido know about this?

"Once the Original Anti drug /terrorist clearance certificate is
obtained funds will immediately reflect in your bank within 24 Hours,
the certificate is all that is needed to complete this transaction.

The only authorized person who will issue you your Original document
from the Federal Ministry of Finance is


Honorable Njoku
Phone number is +234 8076563165
E-mail honorablenjoku@yahoo.com
Subject File Marked "X" Release Disk Painted RED."

Right. I'll just write that down here... 'painted red...'

"Before you contact him, I want you to know that you cannot get the
certificate for free, as he will not even want to give you but if you
indicate your file to him in good faith, he will understand because he
is a God fearing person who has Human sympathy. and the cost of
purchase is $920.00 only (NINE HUNDRED AND TWENTY UNITED STATES
DOLLARS ONLY)"

$920! That's much more than the usual $55 plus weasel fees!

"Please Note: when contacting him, do not/ never tell him I was the
one, just make sure you indicate your file letter X and tell him
painted colour Red so that he would recognize your file."

Your secret is safe with me! I won't tell a soul! I'll just put it here on the internet...

"Note that the actual funds is valued at $75,000 USD and the president
made a compensation fund release for all unpaid beneficiaries valued
at $5 million USD.

Therefore, you will not be able to receive your Original initial fund
but the sum of $4 million will be transferred to you as soon as the
original documents is cleared and every two weeks after the first four
million had been paid to you, they will make deposit of 1 million into
your account every two weeks but the important thing is to get the
Certificate and the first four Million."

Wait, is it $75,000 or $5 million? I'm confused.

"Listed below are the mafia's and banks behind the non release of your
funds that I managed to sneak out for your kind perusal.

1) Prof. Charles soludo (had been sacked from CBN by the Federal Government)
2) Chief Joseph Sanusi
3) Dr. R. Rasheed
4) Barrister Awele Ugorji
5) Mr. Roland Ngwa
6) Barrister Ucheuzo Williams
7) Mr. Ernest Chukwudi Obi
8) Dr. Patrick Aziza
Deputy Governor - Policy / Board Member
9) Mr. Tunde Lemo
Deputy Governor - Financial Sector Surveillance / Board Member
10) Mrs. W. D. A. Mshelia
Deputy Governor - Corporate Services / Board Members
11) Mrs. Okonjo Iweala
12) Mrs. Rita Ekwesili
13) Barr Jacob Onyema
14) Dr. Godwin Oboh: Director Union Bank Of Nigeria.
15) Mr. John Collins: Global Diplomat Director.
16) Foreign fund diplomatic courier
17) Barr. Becky Owens
18) Rev. Steven Jones
19) Bank of Africa
20) Mrs. Debbie Hargrove
21) Mr. Michael Wagner
22) ADB Bank Ouagadougou Burkina Faso
23) FSA UK
24) NATWEST BANK
25) ECO Bank
26) Credit Bank
27) Dr. Mrs. Linda L. Ibeh
28) Dr. Sani Amend

And many others that I do not have advantage of posting here."

Holy banknotes, Batman! All of those people conspiring against me!

"Do get in touch with me immediately to conclude this final transaction
immediately, and also send to me your convenient address, Tel/Fax
numbers for easy communications.

contact me : mr.tony_albert@yahoo.com or mr.tonyalber@gmail.com


Regards,
Mr. Tony Albert"

Wow. Now, who exactly do I send the $920 to? And are there weasel fees?


- destiny_sarah@rediffmail.com... oh, Sarah Destiny! My destiny! With a return mail of faith_goodlucky@yahoo.com (now there's an address that inspires confidence!) tells me:

"hello My Dear,
i am miss Sarah,i would like to know more about you as i come across your contact and pick interest,please contact me through (sarah_destiny01@yahoo.com) for more detail of myself and send my pics for you to know me.Best regards Sarah,"

Is that in English? I'm not sure...


- Loveth Anthony at mrsanthony1021@hotmail.com (return mail sanusiudo@hotmail.com) informs me:

"YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS HAS WON, $2,500.000.00USD. CONGRATULATIONS""


DEAR WINNER,

WE ARE PLEASED TO INFORM YOU ABOUT THE LOTTERY DRAW HELD ON THE 1ST OF APRIL 2012 FROM THE SWEEPSTAKE FREE INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY PROGRAMMED. YOUR E-MAIL EMERGED AS A WINNER OF $2,500.000.00 USD (TWO MILLION AND FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS) IN THIS YEARS INTERNATIONAL LOTTO PROGRAM.

NOTE. YOUR WINNING MONEY WILL BE TRANSFERRED TO YOU THROUGH OUR BANK ZONE HEADQUARTERS IN UNITED STATES AS YOUR WINNING FILES FALL UNDER OUR BRANCH ZONE. SO CONTACT OUR AFRICAN AGENT COORDINATOR AGENT MALLAM OMAR EDRIS WHICH YOUR WINNING NUMBERS FALL IN HIS CUSTODY, HE IS OUR REPRESENTING AGENT IN AFRICA HE WILL GIVE YOU DETAILS ON HOW TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE."

Uh, US, or Africa?

Of course I have to contact their agent with all of my personal and banking information... Can I trust someone named Loveth? Or is this just a passing fancy?


- Mr. Peter Eric at webmaster@daelimins.com (return mail www.westerncustomercare9@9.cn) has lotto money for me in Benin! Of course I have to send $55 plus some other fees to the Western Union office... They don't list weasel taxes. Those might be extra.


- Another one from Kenneth Oliver, offering me 40% of that $17.5 million. Really have to wonder that I'm the best choice to get this money for him. I wouldn't trust me to do that without messing it up!


- info@clubcy.net (return mail SMChaseNotification@chase.com) wants me to click on a link to verify my account. I took my money out of Chase omnths ago. Why would they contact me now?


***Enough for now. I'm getting closer to being caught up! Next time, some real doozies!