Salty, greasy goodness!

April 8:


- Mr Lusee Mark at mr.lusee2627@msn.com (return mail mr.lusee@gmail.com) is a bank manager in Burkina Faso, and he says:

I found the deposited fund amounted SEVEN MILLION TWO HUNNDERED THOUSAND DOLLARS (USD7,200,000.00).customer who died in the air crash with his entire family. However, I shall detail you with the full information as soon as I hear from you. Can you be able and capable to assist me provide your receiving bank account where this fund will lodge in your favour? I shall give you 30% of the total sum as soon as this fund hits your account and I shall visit you in your country for the shearing. Please this is very confidential.

...As would be all of the personal information he asks for, I'm sure. Nah. I'm providing you all with this information for free. I'm relatively certain that he would sell mine.


- Cool! Carol Binder at Carol.Binder@imgworld.com wrote to tell me:

Claims of BMW SALOON CAR AND £45,000.00 pounds has been won by you on our BMW PROMOTION 2012 .Do get

back to this office with your information's below and you can call this numbers for confirmation (+447024016394).

Make sure that you send the needed information's to this email (gray.richard66@msnzone.cn)

A BMW! And pounds sterling! Wow! Waitaminnit... how much will it cost to ship that car here? 45,000 pounds? And all of the fees, I suppose. And is it right-hand drive? I don't know if I can get the hang of that...


April 9:


- Ms Teresa Au has a very odd email address- f925@mail.taian.com.tw (Taiwan?) for the note she sent me:

Hello,

I am Ms. Teresa Au, HSBC Hong Kong, head of corporate sustainability Asia pacific region. A sum of US$23,200,000.00 Million was deposited by our Late customer who died without declaring any next of kin before his death in 2007.

My suggestion to you is to stand as the next of kin to Fadel Ahmed. We shall share in the ratio of 50% for me, 50% for you. Please contact me via this e-mail.( teresaau_online1@w.cn ).

Strangely enough, it does bother me a bit when the various email addresses in one of these don't match, especially when they come from different countries. And then there's the little issue of waiting 5 years to tell me to claim kinship to someone I've never hear of... let me guess- I put up some money to open an account that we'll then put all this money in before we divy it up, right?


April 10:


- Jerry Williamson at jerryw@tfc.edu says:

I am Michael Kuo. I have a business offer worth $30.5M. emaill me at michaelkuo14@yahoo.com.hk

So, tfc.edu is apparently at Toccoa Falls College, a "Globally Engaged Christ-Centered College", and this global entity is "located in the foothills of the Northeast Georgia Mountains". Hoo-kay! A hotbed of international business propositions! A browse through their staff listing shows Jerry Williamson as the manager of their physical plant.

So why is Michael Kuo using Jerry's email to send out spam? Hmm?


- a very lovely (I'm guessing here) Miss Ivon Kouma at missivon.129@msn.com (return mail missivonkouma@yahoo.co.jp) says:

My name is Miss Ivon Kouma. It give me a great pleasure to write you i was browsing when i came across your email contact and it attracts me to write to you so that we can be friends if you will have the desire as me. i will be very happy to be in communication with you so that we can get to know each other better and see what happens in future. I await your reply so that i can tell you more about my self and give you my picture. I will be waiting to hear from you.

Wow. She was attracted to my email address? Duuubious!


- Mr Brian Miller at bm75111@zmail.com write to tell me that

The Online Marketing Director of May FieldFinancial Institute Plc a registered and certified loan lender.I give outLoans at 3% interest rate to those in need of Loan.We give out bothPersonal Loans and Business Loans.We give out Personal Loans at the rangeof $1,000.00 to $100,000.00 while Business Loans are given out from therange of $100,000.00 to $10,000,000.00.

Apparently there is an entity called Field Financial. But 'May Field Financial' googles up to a long line of fraud notices. And interestingly enough, this email, complete with that name and address, turned up in the fraud bins in '07. Mrs Brian Miller (who apparently is operating out of Nigeria) should be applauded for staying at the same crappy job for five years!


- Mr Zanko Ali at mr.zankoali.98@msn.com (return address mr.zanko.ali2010@gmail.com) says "REPLY URGENT PLEASE!!" and

My late Client has a deposit of Ten Million Five Hundred Thousand United State dollars (US$10. 5Million Dollars) left behind here in our bank, I contacted you so I can present you as my late client next of kin, so the money can be transferred to your account and we will share it together at equal share, 50% for you and 50% for me. After that, I shall immediately come over to your country for investment with my own share of the money.

Wow! Another one! I must me the very first choice for standing in as next of kin for unclaimed money. I am so special!

But what is the 50/50 thing? If I'm next of kin, I get it all, dude!


- Mrs Malik Ali at malakk69@msn.com (return mail malak_ali004@yahoo.co.jp) has a similar proposition for me, with a 30/70 split.

Seems Zanko has the better deal!


- The next one comes from ifadcoordinator70@rediffmail.com (return mail ifadcoordinator@yahoo.com). It's rather long, but very interesting!

INTERNATIONAL FUND FOR AGRICULTURAL DEVELOPMENT

1-11 John Adam Street London WC2N 6AG
TEL:+447010039819
FAX:+44 50 32 71 300


DEAREST CO-ORDINATOR,

FIRSTLY I MUST SOLICIT YOUR GENUINE CONFIDENCE IN THIS SUBJECT AS REGARDS TO ITS IMPORTANCE. THE INTERNATIONAL FUND FOR AGRICULTURAL DEVELOPMENT (IFAD) A SPECIALIZED AGENCY OF THE UNITED NATIONS, IN PARTNERSHIP WITH THE EUROPEAN COMMISSION (EC) AND THE UNITED NATIONS CAPITAL DEVELOPMENT FUND(UNCDF), ARE PLEASED TO LAUNCH A (20O MILLION POUNDS) FINANCING FACILITY FOR REMITTANCES(FFR) TO REDUCE RURAL POVERTY AND PROMOTE DEVELOPMENT IN 2012.

THE FACILITY WILL INCREASE ECONOMIC OPPORTUNITIES FOR THE RURAL POOR COMMUNITIES THROUGH THE SUPPORT AND DEVELOPMENT OF INNOVATIVE COST-EFFECTIVE AND EASILY ACCESSIBLE INTERNATIONAL OR DOMESTIC REMITTANCE SERVICES WITHIN AFRICAN, EUROPEAN, MIDDLE EAST, ASIAN, AND LATIN AMERICAN COUNTRIES.

WE ARE VERY PLEASED TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED THROUGH AN ONLINE-BASED BALLOT SYSTEM TO ACT AS YOUR COUNTRY COORDINATOR OF THIS PROJECT IN YOUR COUNTRY. TO THIS EFFECT, WE WILL DISBURSE THE SUM OF (700,000.00 POUNDS) SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS TO YOU FOR THE PROMOTION OF AGRICULTURAL DEVELOPMENT IN YOUR REGION.
IN THE MEANTIME, YOU ARE REQUESTED TO SUBMIT THE INFORMATION LISTED BELOW TO OUR PROGRAMME COORDINATOR, BARR.COLIN CHESHER VIA THIS EMAIL ADDRESS:
www.ifadcordinator@live.com TO ENABLE US PROCEED WITH THE PROCESSING OF THE GRANT.
===================
FULL NAME:......................... .....
CONTACT ADDRESS:...................... ...
DATE OF BIRTH:....................
SEX:........................
AGE :.............................

.
TELEPHONE NUMBER:.................
MOBILE NUMBER:....................... ....
MARITAL STATUS:....................... ....
PRESENT OCCUPATION:................
COUNTRY OF ORIGIN:....................
====================
AFTER THE SUBMISSION OF THIS INFORMATION, MORE DETAILS WILL BE GIVEN TO YOU WITHOUT ANY FURTHER DELAY.
NOTE: THE SELECTION OF YOUR E-MAIL IS NOT A GUARANTEE THAT THE SUM SHALL BE AWARDED TO YOU. IF THE SUBMITTED PERSONAL PROFILE FALL SHORT OF OUR REQUIREMENTS, YOU SHALL BE AUTOMATICALLY DISQUALIFIED.
BE INFORMED THAT THE MONEY WILL BE SENDING INTO YOUR ACCOUNT THERE IN YOUR COUNTRY , UNDER THE SUPERVISION OUR REPRESENTATIVE TO AVOID ANY COMPLICATION, AFTER OUR SATIFICATION OF YOUR INFORMATION GIVEN TO US.
THANKS FOR YOUR ANTICIPATED UNDERSTANDING.

REGARDS,
Mrs Margret Cole

Wow. So let me get this. An international fund, that is working with United Nations programs, is selecting officers to disburse money via *random lottery*? And they want me to help with this rural redevelopment program?

In Oregon?


April 11:

- Tony Chan has two email addresses: chan1@yahoo.com and chan.tony34@yahoo.com.hk. He asks me to "Acknowledge my email", and tells me a long story about a friend of his who died and a long battle with relatives etc as there was no direct heir. Apparently most of it was settled, but:

Now the reason why I have contacted you is that there is also some other Funds in the tune of $12,000,000.00 with the Hang Seng Bank China,and I want Your assistance for me to transfer these funds in your name to your account for Both of us I will agree to share with you in a negotiable percentage as far as You agree to take part in this mutual benefiting opportunity. Please I count on your absolute confidentiality, transparency and trust while Looking жowяrd to your prompt response this Business transaction

So what's the split on this one? 50/50?


- Mrs Marie at info@jacob.com (return mail fdexglobship@yahoo.com.hk) sends me this:

You have a bank draft of $800,000.00 USD which awaits outstanding payment of $50 USD. Contact Mr. Hemant Singh Email: fdexglobship@yahoo.com.hk

(rustle rustle) Nope. Don't have it on me. Think they'd take it in cookies?


- PEUGEOT AUTOMOBILES LOTTERY writes from info@winner.com (return mail peugeot.customerassistant@cyberservices.com) to tell me:

This is to notify you that your email have been selected by our random
email selector mechine for a cash prize of £700,000.00 (Seven Hundred
Thousand Great British Pounds) and a brand new Peugeot 4008 Car,From
the International online programs held on the 20th of March 2012 in
London the United Kingdom .

*IF* I send them a bunch of information, of course. Maybe they should keep the money and hire a proofreader.


- likhua@yahoo.com.my (return mail lin12linhug@shqiptar.eu) simply says:

I need you to claim some money for me.Reply for explanation

Simple. My answer is no.


- a Mr John Bassey writes from johnson131313@web.de to tell me that though I did not respond to his last letter, there is still an ATM card worth $8.500.000 waiting for me in a UPS office in Benin, and would I please send money for all of the international fees, etc, directly to:

Mr. Frank Ben Okoye
United Parcel Service (UPS)
107, Rue Réaumur 00229 Cotonou
Benin Republic, Tel: +229 9794 8648
Email: ups-service1978@hotmail.com

Huh. Why is he writing from Germany to tell me this?

***

Well kiddies, that's all for today. Next time- more tasty spiced meat product!