All of the wondrous things to do with SPAM!

Oh, so tasty!

So last time I put up only one day's collection of SPAM. Today I will sort through and categorize a few...


1) Are you looking for an investment business opportunity? So are:

* Mr.Chung Mong-Joon at lhde@longan.gov.vn (return mail cmjcmj2222@msn.com), who offers you 40% of the proceeds, and also-

* MR. KENNETH ANDERSON  at EGYPTIAN GULF BANK (aapolini@yahoo.com, return mail kennethanderson_EGB@gmx.com) is also offering 40%, AND he'll make sure to wipe all traces of the transaction from the bank's records. Sounds legit, yes?

* Wen Xiong from xiongwen.hk@xinasian.com has an unspecified business deal that is under Chinese banking laws as he is in Hong Kong, please advise if I am interested... Dude, are you offering more than 40%?

* lwang1945@yahoo.com.cn has a deal worth $25 million. I'll bet it involves moving some funding out of a secret bank account...

* patrickfrancis82@yahoo.com says that if I am sincere, he has a business opportunity worth $17 million. "I will prefer you to have acquired knowledge in the medical field or a management position in any industry." Awfully broad there...

*  S.Ogier@roehampton.ac.uk has a 'legal business proposal' worth $28.2 million. I should contact private1@xnmsn.com if I'm interested. Why is someone in Roehampton using a return mail in Indonesia if the transaction is legal?

* Mr Bill Stowell at williambillstowell@gmail.com is offering an investment opportunity with 10% return, if I am discreet. Dude, my discretion costs more than 10%! I can get 40% from Kenneth Anderson!

* A 'Barrister Tom Jones' at admin@klhchem.com.my (return mail tj201023@gmail.com) has a client interested in investing in my country. Would I be of assistance? Maybe. 40%, eh?

* Mrs Nora Wong at web.office.8765.99@att.net (return mail mrsnoralwong29@gmail.com) Only says that she has a secured business proposal. Secured? What, so it doesn't wander off? Does she need a bike lock?

* Mr.Suzuki Takuya Yuki writes from Marilyn.Jacobson@alz.org (return mail suzukitaku15@blumail.org) that he has a $40 million business deal. Pfft. Get in line.

* maltman@wakegov.com says "I have a "business suggestion" for you. Please respond via my private email: yisimon980@yahoo.com.hk" In the subject line. No names. And from me- no reply!

* j.treusch@jacobs-university.de is also offering $28.2, for a 'legal business transaction'- also from a Western university, also with an Indonesian return address, this time private00@xnmsn.com. Answer is still no.

* Major Linda Hayes writes from edamoe@aol.com (return mail majorlindahayes3@yahoo.co.jp) that she has an unspecified business opportunity which she will disclose when I've responded. Uh, yeah.

* albertcole@thames.org sends me a nearly incomprehensible page of text, no paragraph breaks, bad grammar, disjointed sentences... as best I can figure out, Thamesbridge Brokers has a really good deal for me... if only I could figure out what!

* Barrister Mrs. Sydney Walter at jrt@fnri.dost.gov.ph (return mail b.sydneywalter@rocketmail.com) also has an unspecified business opportunity for me. I suspect it involves getting money out of a bank without resorting to masks and guns. Same difference.

* Mr. Steven Heal at info@hsbc.co.uk (return mail steheal@yahoo.co.jp) also has an offer, worth $10 million. This one looks like it might require masks however.

* from Mr Johnson Patrick ( johnson_patrick@9.cn) an offer to invest in and help sell pharmaceuticals in India... huh. Don't they usually come from India?

* Mr Mustafa Tamawe (mustafatamawe14@yahoo.com.hk) would like to offer me a business opportunity, but he won't tell me what it is until I contact him for further info. However, he does assure me that it will be to our mutual satisfaction. Well, I don't generally answer complete strangers with vague promises, so I guess I Ain't Got No...

* Richard Ferdinand, procurement manager to SJCM Solid Minerals Bellevue Washington at info@live.com (return mail rich.ferd@blumail.org)  has an investment opportunity for me in Malaysia, representing his company 'to purchase Borax Oil Lq,which is use in the purification/cleansing of Gold and Precious Stones'. What, not snake oil?

* 'Robert Smith, Esp' at roberts0100@hotmail.com has an opportunity for investment of $50 million in Hong Kong... Boy, did he write the wrong person!


2) Mail with attachments that I will not open!:

* The FBI wrote TWICE from  wscott0621@aol.com, with one return mail statesfbigov@superposta.com, the other wfocdfbiusagov@superposta.com.

* Elizabeth Johnson at johnsonelizabeth751@gmail.com (return mail elizjohnson58@gmail.com) says in the subject line "MY BELOVED FRIEND IN THE LORD, PLEASE OPEN THE ATTACHMENT AND GET BACK TO ME URGENTLY." Elizabeth, you are not my friend, and neither is the interesting attachment you sent.

* 'Canada Lottery' sends an attachment via gowell111@gmail.com (return mail davsgrattan2@gmail.com)... Canada has a lottery?

* Mr Adams Rees at djacks7085@aol.com (return mail arees070@yahoo.co.jp) says "Good day......Open And Read Your Mail" in the subject line. Um... no.

* Terry Dagogo at mshurt1589@aol.com (return mail terrydagogo06@gmail.com) says "RELEASE OF YOUR OVERDUE PAYMENT Kindly get back to me" in the subject line and "Kindly view the memo for more info from Terry Dagogo and get back to me" on the page... wanna bet that memo comes with a secret message for my computer?

* wjwoods1@aol.com, writing for Mervyn King (return mail paymentdesk@banofenglandonline.co.uk.tc) says in the subject line "BOE NOTICE.....Open And Read Your Massage". Really? The Face of Boe sent me a message? And not the Doctor?

* Augustine Dinga (rayhindson@aol.com, return mail augstinedinga_2@yahoo.co.jp) says "Treat As Urgent" in the subject line. Here's the text:

Good day,

Attached is an important message. Read and promptly respond as soon as possible.

Regads

 'Regads'? Huh? Is the spelling correction in the attachment?

* Mrs Rebecca Oliver at mrs.rebecca_oliv00000@hotmail.com (return mail mrs.rebecca_oliv0019@hotmail.com) writes again to tell me there is a 'DONATION FOR THE LORD (From me to you)' if I will just open the attachment. Think the virus/trojan file is really from the Lord?

* 'Paul John' at webxxxxxxxxxx2678@att.net calls me 'Dear Friend' (No, I don't believe we've met) and simply says "DOWNLOAD BELOW AND CONTACT MR GIBSON"... Is this something like going beyond kissing on the first date?

* Susan Shabangu (susanshabangu1976@hotmail.com, return mail susanshabangucoza@hotmail.com) simply says in the subject line "I DIDN'T FORGET YOUR PAST EFFORT (PLEASE VIEW THE ATTACHED COPY OF MY LETTER AND CONTACT MY BANKER)". Considering how many very wordy things I've gotten in the mail, I don't know why she couldn't just put them in the body of the email. Maybe she couldn't fit the extra malicious code in it?

* "Dr. Ahmed Danfulani Tijani......Open And Read" (rvseven7@aol.com, return mail presidency.ngr@one.co.il) offers an rtf attachment. So, what's that, a 'ready to f---?' file?

* Mrs Hendrietta Zulu (hendzulu65@gmail.com, return mail mrshendzulu@live.co.za) says "I have not heard from you please kindly (view attached document)" Well, you have not heard from me because I have not heard from you prior to this! I am not in the habit of approaching strangers with irregular financial opportunities... <nuke the attachment>


*********************

And that is enough for now! After all of that SPAM, I think some vegetables are in order. Kale, anyone?

Fresh SPAM! Getcher fresh SPAM here!

Well, I was drowning in it, and a month behind, so I went Delete! Delete! Delete! and nuked it all. So what I offer today was just was came in Tuesday June 12th.


* From Mr Lamido Sanusi from the Central Bank of Nigeria at mrlamidosanusi49@yahoo.com (return mail mrlamidosanusi11@omail.hu) comes a notice (with *terrible* grammar) that I've been named a part-beneficiary of $10 million! Wow! But wait- two guys showed up to his office claiming to be my representatives, wanting this money I'm getting. Mr Sanusi says "Here are the Document which they tender to this Bank today:

1. LETTER OF ADMINISTRATION.
2. HIGH COURT INJUNCTION.
3. ORDER TO RELEASE."

He told them to come back tomorrow.

Well, it's tomorrow already in Nigeria. Oh well.

Wait, doesn't an injunction usually restrain, rather than release? And What court? A High Court? Was the judge smoking something something?


* Mrs. Grace Manda at gracemanda13@gmail.com (return mail gracemanda14@gmail.com) just says: Mrs. Grace Manda Please open the attached file

...and? Mrs Grace Manda, you'd better open that file! 'Cause I ain't a-gonna!


* Moses Benneth, an account officer with the Islamic Microfinance Bank in Ghana, at mosesbenneth@mail.kz (return mail mosesbenneth@yahoo.com.hk) writes to tell me of a business opportunity of $15 million! Yay! Apparently he's holding a secret account with money that belonged to ousted Tunisian president Mr.Zine Al-abidine Ben Ali. He will give me 45% of it if I help him move the money out of the country.

Won't Mr Ben Ali wonder where it went?

And he wants my driver's license. Dude, no one sees that. Really. I cringe when I have to show it at the bank. You think I'm going to show a perfect stranger in Ghana that?


* John Wilkins at jwilkinsfice@globomail.com (return mail jwilkins.office@gmail.com) says:

This is to bring to your notice that we are delegated from the United
Nations & Central Bank to pay 50 scam victims 1,000,000.00 Dollars
each.

Apparently they believe I've been scammed by someone in Nigeria. (Nigeria? Not Ghana? Burkina Faso? Indonesia? Hong Kong?...)

 You are hereby warned not to communicate or duplicate this message to
him For any reason what so ever as the FBI is already on trace of the
other criminals. So keep it to yourself till they are all apprehended.

Oh.

 We shall feed you with further modalities as soon as we hear from you.

Modalities? Are they tasty? What wine should I serve, red or white?

Oh, and their list of IDs cuts off with "6) Attach scan Copy of your". Copy of my what? Ah... I'm supposed to contact them to get the full list! Niiice...


* "Barrister.Kenneth Oliver,the personal assistance to the late engr.Edward (snr) a national of your country." writes from barristerkennetholiver@yahoo.com (return mail kennetholiver42@freemail.hu) that his client died without a will and he has oooodles of money he wants to give me!

****PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL*****
This e-mail and any attached files are confidential and may be legally privileged. If you are not the addressee,any disclosure,reproduction,copying,distribution,or other dissemination or use of this communication is strictly prohibited.

 Not anymore!


*  "Western Union 2012 Customers Promotion" tk52107@cwjh.tyc.edu.tw (return mail westerncus2@hotmail.com)  says:

We happilly announce to you that you have been awarded with the sum of $5,000,000.00 USD by our office, as one of our customers who uses Western Union in their daily business transaction in 2012.

Wrong address, apparently, as I've never used Western Union. Perhaps just misspelled, like 'happilly'.


*  FROM MR. KENNETH ANDERSON, EGYPTIAN GULF BANK, at aapolini@yahoo.com (return mail kennethanderson_EGB@gmx.com) has a client who died intestate, and... wait, does he know Kenneth Oliver?


* Ma Delun,a staff of Private Banking Services at the Bank of China (BOC) United Kingdom writes from madelun@ta.com (return mail ma.delun10@yahoo.com.hk) that one of his clients... died... oh yeah. He'll give me 50% if I help him sneak this money out.

I think that's the highest percentage I've been offered yet. So if this is all so legal and all Mr Delun, why can't I contact your employer to make sure you're the stand-up dude you say you are?


* Mr John Anderson at smtmnr@wmconnect.com wrote **in the subject line**

I am JOHN ANDERSON Director Inspection Unit United Nations Inspection Agent in Epple AirField International Airport. During our investigation, I discovered An abandoned shipment through a Diplomat from Nigeria.The details of the consignment including your name the official document from United Nation office in London are tagged on the Metal Trunk box.If you want us to transact the delivery for mutual benefit, you should provide your Phone Number, full address,Be happy and respond so that i will give goodnews

 Text said "Read the above for more details and reply immediately"

"Full address... Be happy!" Sounds like a pop tune, eh?


* Mrs. Rebecca Oliver at mrs.rebecca_oliv00000@hotmail.com (return mail mrs.rebecca_oliv0011@hotmail.com) says "Please open the attached file and get back to me."

Let's not and say I did, hmm?


* Mrs Grace Manda must really mean business! She writes this time from gmanda7@gmail.com, return mail mandagrace64@gmail.com. Well, new address or no, I'm not going to open your attachment!


That's eleven in one day. Ain't Shakespeare, but if you put a hundred monkeys... ;-)

 

 

MOAR SPAM!!!

Lots and lots and LOTS of SPAM!


MAY 16:

* Rtd. Lt Adolf W. Mensah at adolfwilly2@gmail.com (return mail adolfwilly1@hotmail.com) wants me to contact him, as he has come into the possession of $8.2 million in Afghanistan, of which he will give me 35% if I help him get it out of the country. But it's  a secret and his job is in jeopardy... IT'S A SECRET BECAUSE IT'S NOT LEGAL, RIGHT ADOLF? As in NO ONE MUST KNOW?


* Mr Frank Ashley at chikeobi24@yahoo.in (return mail mikehope608@yahoo.com) says that he is ready to send me the first $4500 of $900,000 we've arranged, I just need to send a bunch of personal info, including age, sex, and occupation, to a Mr Pete Williams (not, Mr Ashley, or Mike Hope?).

I haven't heard from him before, and he doesn't know my sex? Must have the wrong person. Whoever this email was meant for, they're missing out on some money...


* Monica Gaziri at moris4oxide@yahoo.com (return mail monicagaziri@yahoo.com) opens her email with "Hi Dear,". Well, it appears that she's 'Lookin' for love in all the wrong places...' dee dee dum dee dum...


* Brent Spearman at Brent.Spearman@utoledo.edu (return mail bukharisahih@yahoo.cn) wants me to contact him about some money that belonged to the late Colonel Khaddafi. Really? I bet he wants me to help him get it out of the country. How someone from the University of Toledo came across it is beyond me...


* Oooh! From the Desk Of United Nation! (Address Officefile@file.com, return mail Asia.B.a.n.k.code@w.cn) They have an ATM card worth $2.5 million waiting for me, if I will please to contact their agent in the Bank of India with a bunch of personal info, of course.

Signed VIP Jimmy Approved Mr Ban Ki Moon United Nation Secretary General Best regards, Officefile

Since when does the United Nations and Ban Ki-Moon do business through OfficeFile?


* Chase Online sent me a message via smrff+accounts+alerts@chase.com says there is an incoming payment on my account, but there is a problem processing it, and I should pit this like that says 'Log On' which sends me to http://www.imaqing.com/images/smilies/login.php . How much you wanna bet they'll ask me for some personal information there, such as my log on and password? How much you wanna bet I'm not going there? Especially since I closed my Chase account last fall...


* "Mr.Almani Saadiq, the Head of files/Recording Department in Islamic Development Bank Burkina faso" at saadiq4101@msn.com (return mail almanl01@voila.fr) is a bank employee who is in possession of some $9.4 million dollars that belonged to a client now deceased. This money is just rattling around unclaimed, and he wants it of course, and is willing to give me 40% if I'll help him move it out of that account. First I need to give him all my personal information. "Like,

Your Name, Age, Marital Status, Cell Phone Number, Your Country, Your House Address, Your Occupation, Sex, Religion, Your ID Card or International Passport and Your Private E-mail Address for full trust.

 My religion? What does being Episcopalian have to do with this?


MAY 17:

* I'm getting a check for $25,000 from UN-HABITAT, at guascormaroc@menara.ma. I need to send all my personal info to Program Manager United Parcel Service (UPS) Contact Name: Abu Morris at upsdelivery34@yahoo.com.hk. With $100 for handling and claimant fees.

Gee. Fees have done up. They're usually $55. Weasels much be getting scarce. Maybe UN-HABITAT is trying to protect them?


* "UNITED NATIONS OFFICE FOR THE COORDINATION OF HUMANITARIAN AFFAIR." at sepp@blueskynet.as has asked me to contact Mr. Victor Okle at vokle@superposta.com, as my payment confirmations are completed for the ATM card worth $900,000. But oops! My Okle is having trouble with his handheld, and has lost his address book. So I need to get in touch with my     personal info...

Personally, if he's that much of a dork as to keep my personal info on a handheld and not somewhere else, I'm not of a mind to give him my personal info again. Maybe they should hang onto that $900,000 to, oh, feed orphans or something?


* "Kim Wong, The Owner of Kim Wong Trading LLC,Kuala Lumpur Malaysia South East Asia" sends greetings from audit_dept@csuissebl.com (return mail k_wong.llc@e-mail.ua) wants to offer me a job laundering money, er, transferring funding, on commission, taking 15% of the cash transferred.

Dude, I can get 40% from 'transferring money' for several other folks. You'll have to sweeten the pot a bit. And do you offer benefits? No deal unless I get medical, dental, and a good retirement package.


* Mrs. Marina Luda, who lives at 108 Crockett Court. Apt 303, New Braunfels Texas, writes from liuzheng@shstj.gov.cn (return mail t_ganichambers@yahoo.cn) to warn me that I've been scammed! I need to contact Barrister Tony Gani in Nigeria with a bunch of my personal info, and he'll help me get my $10.5 million. I only have to pay $250 in fees to do this. Wow. Inflation! Those Nigerian weasels must have really gotten scarce! Does UN-HABITAT know anything about this?


* Mr Ben Smith at mr.bensmithloanfrims02@hotmail.com (return mail mr_bensmith@live.com) is offering loans at 3% from World United Global Loan Organization Online Fast/Easy Loan. Wait- are they the ones who're trying to get money to me through that non-existent Chase account?


MAY 18:

* Another note from Mr. Ben Smith. He must be working on commission.


* Mrs.Inga-Britt Ahlenius at UNITED NATIONS OFFICE OF INTERNATIONAL OVERSIGHT SERVICES, International Audit, Monitoring, Consulting And Investigations Division writes from ingabritt1@skymail.mn that they've discovered that I'm a victim of a scam!

Does this have anything to do with the mail I got from Ban Ki-Moon?


* Susan Shabangu at jgonzalez@aragua.gob.ve (return mail sshabangu.gov@gmail.com) has sent me an attached email. 33.2 KB in RTF. Shall I open it? Uh... maybe not.


* Western Union at postmaster@hd25.info (return mail westernunion_money@ukr.net) has my payment ready! I just need to contact them with my personal info.

Funny, for something that important, you'd think they'd use a Western Union email account.


* Another Western Union letter! This time from sepp@blueskynet.as. They want me to call them... within 4 hours.

Dang.


* Michael Pandor at gvds@8419.cn (return mail m.zuma@blumail.org) has an investment opportunity for me. It is in South Africa, and involves Civil Servants, who apparently can't participate in this deal, so they need me to act in their place. I just need to- all together now- contact them with my personal information...


*  ithelpdesksupport@mail2webmaster.com contacted me to tell me something has gone... wrong... with my email. (How is it that he can contact me then?) I just need to send him my user name and password. For an account that I don't have.

Good luck with that!


* Mohammad Daud Bakar,an executive with the International Institute of Finance,Inc (RUSD) bank malaysia writes from mohammad@linkline.com (return mail bakar.mohammad12@yahoo.com) to offer me a business proposal, the details of which he'll tell me after I send him my personal info.

IIF is a real organization, and Mohammad Daud Bakar really works for them. In the Middle East- not in Malaysia.

I wonder if this business proposal involves money in an account belonging to a deceased client?


***
Gah. So much SPAM! And so much left in my inbox! Can I get through is without a sodium-provoked stroke?

Hot and Spicy!

Well, I have enough spam in my inbox to require a great deal of Pepto-Bismol! She we take a look and see?...


May 12:


- Forwarded to me from www.myway.com a post from bankapprovedremit1@yahoo.cn claiming to be someone from the Bank of America, holding funds for me in a Swiss Bank account. They will of course arrange transfer after I give them a bunch of personal information... Really, if they have to go through a third party and don't yet know my name, how do they know that they have any money *for me*?


- Dr.Jaslin Ikhsan writes from file@ntcentereent.com (return mail jaslin.ikhsan12@voila.fr) that he has some money that he needs to move out of a secret bank account in Burkina Faso and for my help

The fund will be shared at the ratio of 58% for me. 40% for you and 2% will be set aside to cover any expenses and tax in your bank.

Gee, I don't know if 2% will cover the weasel taxes...


-  Mr. Abdulkader Maroof Omar Uqba at omar@yahoo.com (return mail fed_cour111@w.cn) would like me to help him get his family out of Iraq. Well, I can't blame him for wanting to get out, but our Department of Defense isn't sure how to get out of Iraq, but less me! Has he tried Google Maps?


- Brenda Waterson at brenda@kunene.co.za has $10.5 million dollars for me for charity projects, if I will just contact her attorney. Funny, her address is in South Africa, and her attorney is in Qatar. Not Burkina Faso or Benin?


- Mrs Esther Boateng at web.esestt32@gmail.com (return mail mrs.terrarnicholas@hotmail.co.za) says "YOU CHOOSEN BY THE LORD/ View the attached file Pls.??". There's an attached document... no, I think God knows how to spell chosen. Which means the attachment came from God knows!


- from jerzy.szukalski@neostrada.pl a woman named Mrs. Faridah Harris Hamid (return mail hamidfrdharis@yahoo.com.my) writes to tell me the very sad news that she is dying and wants to leave me $2.5 million to do good deeds with.

I suppose those good deeds would not include a half-dozen lightly-oiled slave boys, a gallon of peanut butter, some marshmallow fluff and a weasel?

Maybe I'll skip the marshmallow fluff and just get a second weasel.


- William Brenda at info@sapphire.com.pk (return mail weternunionmoneytransfer@yahoo.cn) says:

GOOD DAY AND MY GREETINGS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.. WE HAVE CONCLUDED TO EFFECT YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH (WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER) AND $6,000.00 WILL BE SENT DAILY TO YOU UNTIL THE $4.8MILLION IS COMPLETELY TRANSFERED.

I just have to send them my personal info, of course. Mind you, I'm pretty sure that the money transfer entity is properly called 'Western Union' and writing them back at 'weternunion' might send my information awry.

You think?


- WESTERN UNION HEAD OFFICE DEPARTMENT REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA. FOREIGN CONTRACTOR PAYMENT OFFICE writes from mtcndepartmentofficer@gmail.com (return mail wumtdepartment@hotmail.com) says that I have inherited $80.000.00 which will be disbursed in daily amounts of $5.000... as soon as I cough up $250 to cover various fees and taxes and such.

Are we surprised that they claim to be representing a bank in Nigeria?


May 13:

- Mr. Abdulkader Maroof Omar Uqba sent me another plea for help in getting his family out of Iraq.

Call a cab?


- inforefinance4@yahoo.com.hk is offering my loans at 2%. Wow. That's even better than a Perkins loan!


- Madam Mercy Graham writes from rezaeirad@grad.kashanu.ac.ir (return mail mercygraham@safe-mail.net) that she is a widow, dying of cancer, and wants me to help her set up a foundation for the 'less priviledge'. Maybe she wants to work with Mrs. Faridah Harris Hamid above? I could maybe open a Home for Homeless Weasels!


- Mr james mark at james.mark141@yahoo.com (return mail james.mark141@gmail.com) says that the National Bank of Nigeria is ready to release my funds! I just have to send them a bunch of information, including

Your Bank Name……………….. Bank Account Number……………….. Banking Routing Number or Swift Code………………..

Think I should give it to them?


- Lexington Finance Ltd at  web-ffc-0-01-3-036@att.net (return mail lexingtonfinance0ltd@hotmail.com) has money to loan me! Really? Why don't they hang onto it and get a real email account?


May 14:


- Barrister Mok Papom (Esq). of Bangkok, Thailand, writes from barristermokpapom@mail.com (return mail barristermokpapom@yahoo.co.jp) to tell me that his client died and left him with $15 and no heirs. He's willing to give me 40% of it if I'll help him get it out of the bank.

I'm not sure I want to take him up on it- after all, he's not smart enough to know that a *solicitor* handles wills and money and such. A *barrister* handles court matters such as criminal defense. Why he would have anything to do with an inheritance matter is beyond me, unless it's awfully shady...


- jdellinger@thesoutheastgroup.com claims to be from 'websupport' and says that my account is almost full and they need my login and password to fix it. Nice trick, since I don't have an account with them.


-  BoyleK@wawm.k12.wi.us also says that there is a problem with my mailbox and I should go to http://admin-helpdeskteam-web.tk/ to get it fixed.

Another account that I don't know I have! Am I creating email account in my sleep?


- Mrs Josphine Johnson at josphine1961@rediffmail.com (return mail Josphinejohnson1@gmail.com) says that she's a widow dying of cancer and needs some unspecified help if I would please reply.

What, does she need a cab too?


- Brenda Williams (or William Brenda, hard to say) again writes to tell me about money waiting for me at Western Union. But hurry! This offer is limited and expires soon!...

I think they'd do well selling things on late night tv, don't you?


May 15:


- WOO-HOO!!! power06play52633@att.net says I won the Powerball Lottery! I just need to go to their website to contact their payment coordinator and claim the prize.

Neat! How many other lotteries that I haven't entered will come up winners?


- augutinedinga600@gmail.com sends me an attachment titled 'dear friend'. How fast can I delete it? There! That fast!


- The International Monetary Fund in Switzerland writes me from imfswss@yahoo.co.jp (an address in Japan, and with a return mail of imfofficewa01@yahoo.co.jp) to tell me that their fraud reconciliation office has pulled my name out of the files of those victimized by fraud, and that they have $1 million to award me. I just have to send all of my info, including bank account numbers, to their office in West Africa.

Does this make any sense to you? I'm not following...


- Mrs Karen Williams writes from bell@bell.ca that she is about to go in for surgery and has $14.258 million for me to do charity work with. I just need to contact barjaymchenry111@3mail.ie, presumably with all of my bank information.

Does a jar of marshmallow fluff qualify as 'charity'?


- info@westernunion.com (return mail westernuinonclaimdept@ovi.com) says that I'm the beneficiary of a random drawing by the United Nations! And this money is being held for me by Western Union in Malaysia. (Not Burkina Faso, or Benin? How novel!) I just have to contact them with my... you know...


- from worldbankcommitte@worldbank.com (return mail richardbench2012@hotmail.com) I received this:

Dear Sir/Madam This mail is meant for scam victims and pending payment across the globe. Kindly access the movement for your funds to avoid further scams from imposter,this will also reaveal if your transaction/funds is real or not Respond as soon as possible if applicable to you. Richard Bench Worldbank Committe

Somehow, I rather think that the World Bank can employ a proofreader and proper email addresses for their employees, don't you? If I send a reply to Richard Bench, what do you think it might 'reaveal'?


- Mrs. Caroline Sawh at carol_sawh@yahoo.com.cn writes to tell me that she's a widow, dying of cancer, and you guessed it- wants me to help spend her money on good deeds.

1: For the sick, less-privileged and destitute,
2: For the Widows and the motherless babies e.t.c.
3: orphanages, Research centers and widows propagating.

Widows propagating? What, is she referring to horticulture?


On that note, enough for tonight. This much SPAM, the sodium in my blood is a bit high!

Hits the Spot!

Mmm... can't you just taste that SPAM, with a little bit of butter and syrup? Oh, my arteries are shuddering already!

So here we go!


May 9:


- Kelvin Kerkular, at mohameedisah02@yahoo.co.in (return mail kelvinkerkular@w.cn) is waiting to hear from me! He and his sister, Liberian citizens, are in a refugee camp in Ghana. His parents were diamond merchants who made too much money so they were murdered. Of course Kelvin knows where his father his some diamonds and cash, and just needs some help getting it out of Ghana before he is deported. Would I please send him all of my personal info so he can start this process?

Huh. Why doesn't he just bribe his way out like everyone else does?


- Chung, Yoon, from yjchung@ccri.edu says:

I'm Norman Chan,Chief Executive, Hong Kong Monetary Authority (HKMA)I have a Business worth $47.1M Get back to me if interested.
Reply to my email  2590184463@qq.com

 Depends, Norman. What's the weasel tax in Hong Kong these days?


- Daniel Rock, at bar.bruce@terra.com (return mail hermscourierservice@zhot.net) says that thanks to my past efforts on his behalf, there is a postal order worth $2 million waiting in Deutsch Bank in Germany. I just have to contact their courier service.Hmm. Wanda will be in Europe next month- maybe she could just swing by and pick it up? Just make sure it's not in Greek currency.


- Oh dear. Mrs Faridah Harris Hamid writes from jerzy.szukalski@neostrada.pl (return mail hamidfrdharis@yahoo.com.my) that she is dying and has no heirs. So she wants to give me $2.5 million to distribute in humanitarian aid. Cool! I know several humans I can aid with that money!


- Madam Hanan Zanfar at mrshananidrisa@gmail.com (return mail mrs.hananzanfarfamily@hotmail.com) is a widow who is- you guessed- dying with no heirs! Her husband hid some money in a box, some $4.8 million worth, and she wants to give it to someone who will "use this fund for the helping of the orphanages homes, widows, propagation of Gospel, and to endeavor that God's house is maintained."Nifty! My parish church needs a new roof! I'll start there!


- Dr. John Chan Chak at dgietema@tusculum.edu (return mail johnchak14@yahoo.com.hk) has a "a legal business proposal of Twenty Eight million Two Hundred Thousand United States Dollars", but is writing from a student account at Tusculum College in Tennessee? And I should get back to him in Hong Kong? What, is he an online or commuter student?


-  CONFIDENTIAL! James Collins at jamses65@gmail.com has some money stashed in Libya that he needs to get out of the country, and he'll give me 30% of $20 million (in unmarked $100 bills, no less) if I'll help him.

Really, a former oil merchant doesn't have a better plan to get his money out than to contact a cranky historian in Oregon?


May 10:

- Mrs Kim James at web.alliance1150@att.net (return mail alliancetransfer@consultant.com) has a business proposal for me- loans at 3%! Not bad- slightly better than my Perkins loans. I might have to look into that...


- Mr Asita Hussain at asitahussain8@gmail.com has $29.2 million in unclaimed funds belonging to a guy who died intestate, and it is just rolling around his bank with nothing to do. If I'll help him steal, er, move the money out of the bank, he'll give me 40% of it. Of course the help is complicated.

Please i need your urgent response on assurance of trust that you will not deny my right of the share once the fund gets into your account because i am a poor civil servant who depend on little monthly salary. That you are the one who will help me to get visa to your country immediately i resign from my work on the instant of the transfer into your account. 

For a bank executive, I would have expected him to use proper grammar and punctuation, even if he is overseas, yes?


- The helpdesk at ithelpdesksupport@mail2webmaster.com says there's a problem with my account, and I need to give them my password. For an account that is not with 'webmaster'?


- Monica Gaziri writes from moris4oxide@yahoo.com (return mail monicagazirisyr@yahoo.com) 'Hello My Dear', and she is looking for friendship, perhaps love.

I wonder what she would say if I write back and tell her I'm not batting for her team?


- Publishers Clearing House writes from info@mail.com (there's that address again! A lot of people seem to use it!) with a return mail of pchremittance2012@manager.in.th,

The Publishers Clearing House in Colaboration with the United State Goverment would like to notify you that you have been chosen by the board of trustees as one of the final recipients of a cash Grant/Donation for your own personal,educational, and business development.

$1 million worth.They just need my personal information, including sex, date of birth, and marital status.

Shall I point out to them that they misspelled 'collaboration' and 'government'?


-  Good Day! from Godwin Kwame at sue@pslgroup.com.sg (Sue?) with a return address of godwink4@blumail.org.

Well, Good Day to you too, sir!

He has a client who needs to move some funds (of course...) of $8.37 million without traces to himself or his client. I just need to contact him for more details.

That is a lot of money. Without traces? But the weasels my poop in transit, you know...


- Robin Orticerio at rmorticerio@ccri.edu has a confidential business deal worth $47 million. I should reply to him at 2590184463@qq.com. Confidential, eh? SURE WOULDN'T WANT SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO GET OUT...


May 11:

- Mr Liu in Hong Kong writes from test@decaturtel.net- a Mississippi USP (return mail mr_tailingliu@w.cn)- that he has a bequest for me if I'll send him "
Names,Address,Age/sex and contact Number" to his return address.

I suppose his business is not in Mississippi?


- Mr Jerry Dickson at jerrydickson01@yahoo.co.za (return mail jerrydickson011@hotmail.com) says that he is the trustee of an unclaimed estate and would like to give it to me.

If you wish to render your selfles s service, but very rewarding and 1.Your full names 2.Telephone Number 3.Complete Address 4.Your occupation and your Age. 5.Marital Status

Really now, I have a friend from South Africa (where the .za is from) and she would be very embarrassed for this to be thought of as representative of their literacy. After all, English is one of the official languages in South Africa.

Don't think I'll contact Jerry.


- Thomas Witherspoon at test@chinawanxiang.com (return mail thomaswitherspoon7@yahoo.com.hk) sent me two copies of "PRIVATE NOTICE PLEASE READ,." Maybe it is important! Let's see:

a very rich Chinese customer of mine died with his wife in a plane crash.(Names withheld). Before his death, he confided in me and made a deposit in the sum of US$15,500,000 (Fifteen Million, Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) in a suspense account in my bank for transfer to an account abroad. It is now over three years since their death and nobody has come forward to claim this money.

He wants me to stand as next of kin and help move the money, for which he'll give me 30%.

Dunno Thomas- Mr Hussain was willing to give me 40%...

Still, 30% of $15 million is a lot of money!


Ohh... too much SPAM and pancakes!

Keep cool- just open a can of SPAM!

Hey, at the rate Spam is coming in, she'll never have to worry about unexpected guests!


May 3:


- From web.offi1e.3.8.0.9@att.net (return mail financia@postino.net) another loan offer. No real particulars, but they are very interested in my personal information!

As are we all...


-  jasshugh72@yahoo.com (return mail worldb_auditor@qatar.io) claims to be from an officer of the World Bank. They say that I am on a list of emails of people who were victims of email scams (No! Really?) and if I send them my personal information, they will send me an ATM card worth $1.5 million dollars. Are they planning to charge me $55 and weasel tax to pick it up in Benin?


- Jenny Venn at jennyven1winbrosey@yahoo.com (return mail jennyvewinbrosey@hotmail.com) is a student at UCLA in her fourth year, who says she is American but possess what appears to be a rudimentary grasp on the English language. Mind, I am well aware that she may simply be an average American student, but she comes across as Someone Not From Here who wants to appear chic... At any rate, she says she is a student in International Relations.

Really Jenny, I'm not interested in your sex life.

She wants to get in touch with me with the intent of my going with her to a UN conference on deadly 'diseases like HIV and secondly to reduce violence like war & civil war and terrorist act'.

Tell you what, Jenny. You take another year of English and I'll consider that conference on 'terrorist act'. They might need a translator for something.


- Oh no! Mrs Susan at  mothersamsonamson2@gmail.com still needs help with motherless babies. Well, my answer is still no...


- Miss Salma writing from at misssalmabb@gmail.com (return mail salmaibrahim0@yahoo.com.hk- an interesting address from someone who says she is writing from Burkina Faso) wants to be my soul mate. She'll even send me a picture.

Sorry Miss Salma, but I don't swing that way. Would you care for a picture of some spam? It might suffice if you're looking for some pork.


- NOKIA CHARITY GRANT ANNUAL AWARD at info@nokia.org (return mail nokiawlotter@bricksmail.com) claims that my 'E-mail ID has won Ј1,000,000 GBP,and two laptops and one nokia phone for on going NOKIA CHARITY GRANT ANNUAL AWARD'.

Awesome. But why do they need my occupation and marital status?


- From  info@mail.com again, with a return mail at paul.cardle1@yahoo.com.hk.

I have a risk free business deal worth Sixty Million pounds (GBP),I work with the Bank of Scotland and need a trustworthy partner. Contact me via my private email(paul.cardle1@yahoo.com.hk) for more details .

And an attachment with more information. And likely a virus (*koff!*wheeze!*) or a Trojan (Beware of Scots bearing gifts from Hong Kong!). No thank you!


- Another message from Western Union at  allochu2@konin.lm.pl (return mail westunion.22011@rediffmail.com) in Nigeria with money waiting for me! They have a better deal than the folks in Benin- they only want $35 to claim my money. Plus weasel fees, of course. And I have to give them the secret word.

What, do I look like Grouch Marx?


- Mrs Amina Saib at  aminasaib305@yahoo.com says that she in a financial consultant in London, and she has a sad, sad story to tell. She is a widow and has no children, and she tells me  with tears rolling down her eyes!, that-

"I want you to assist me in receiving the fund (GBP.&#65533;9,000,000.00), and distributing the money to charity Organizations, I agree to reward you with part of the money for your Assistance, kindness and participation in this Godly project."

Here's a tissue dear.


May 4:

From the account of Corrie A. Biles atcbiles@uark.edu , a Mr Duffy Kennedy,  the Auditor General, Bond Finance Ireland, writes to tell me that he found in an audit some money ($18.5 million!) that belonged to Albert Kovshevnikov, who died intestate in 2002. He wants to sneak this out of the bank before it reverts to the state, and he's willing to give me part of it if I'll help him.

What is it with these millionaires dying intestate? And unnoticed, apparently. Isn't this odd?


- From  info@abc-complett.de an Eva Morrison from Mississippi (return mail evans_morrison@rocketmail.com) says that while attached with the US Army in Afghanistan ('attached'? What, rope? Duct tape? Super glue?) she and a group of soldiers found a huge cache of money- and they'll give me 15% if I'll help them get it out of the country.

Sorry Eva, the going rate seems to be 30%. But there seems to be someone in Benin who will help you launder it for the small fee of $55. Think you can handle that?


- Reginard Adams at reginard@volkswagen.com (return mail fedex_d@blumail.org) says that I need to contact Mr John Williams at FedEx in West Africa about the $800,00 bank draft they are holding for me. They just needs $95 in courier fees...

Wow guys, I didn't realize that there was such a price difference between Western Union and FedEx! Perhaps I should hook up Mr John Williams with the folks at Western Union!


May 5:

- Greetings From Alexander Wilmot-Sitwell at churchist@blumail.org (return mail wilmotalex@ciudad.com.ar), an investment consultant working with Bank UBS AG Zurich presently at their offshore department. He apparently found $155 million just rattling around in a back room somewhere, unclaimed. If I will give him my personal info and a cell number, he'd like to talk to me about claiming some of this money. We'll split the proceeds, of course. And I need to keep this TOP SECRET of course.

TOP SECRET YOU SAY? HOW ABOUT IF I PUT IT ON MY BLOG? IS THAT TOP SECRET?


May 6:

- Mr Lusee at mr.lusee3768@msn.com (return mail mr.lusee@gmail.com) in Burkina Faso just found *gasp!* unclaimed money in an account at his bank! Of course he needs help getting this money out of the country and is willing to give me 30%...

YAWN. Same old, same old. You think they'd find a new approach...


- Teresa Au at sirikul@onep.go.th at HSBC has the same story. Except she is offering me 50% Dude, Teresa's my kind of gal!


May 7:

- USPS, at the improbable email address of yapie@staff.gunadarma.ac.id (return mail usps.deliverypost092@topmail.com) says:

Greetings! Your have unclaimed Confirmable Bank Draft worth 1,000,000 Great Britain Pounds with FedEx Couriers You have been given 5 working days to File for(claim) your unclaimed parcel.

Ok, let me see if I can follow this: The United States Postal Service, with an email address in Indonesia, has a bank draft in British Pounds, waiting with FedEx?

Are we sure it isn't a Western Union office in Benin?


- Dr.Tony Elumelu, Managing Director, Magnum Asset Management, at rollyb@telkomsa.net (return mail tonyelum@hotmail.com) has *drum roll!* found unclaimed money at his bank that he needs help getting out of Nigeria. And he's willing to give me 20%!

Dude, with his 80%, think he'll get himself a real address?


- Alexander Wilmot-Sitwell, an investment consultant at churchist@blumail.org (return mail wilmotalex@ciudad.com.ar) has unclaimed funds that he needs to get out of the country, and he's willing to give me 40%. I'm guessing that with his 60%, he'll be going to Aruba, where his ISP is. Suntan oil for all, his treat!


May 8:

- Mr Alex J. Udo at mgudo@voila.fr (return mail mgudo1@voila.fr) says that he has completed our business, and the money he promised is waiting for me in Hong Kong. To finish things and arrange the transfer, I need to contact Mr.Pete Suggs at +234 803 88 215 86.

How Mr Suggs is going to do this from his office in Lagos, Nigeria, I do not know. Maybe their weasel tax is lower than in Hong Kong?


- Och! A Scotsman Robert Smith at robertssm02@att.net (return mail roberts014@hotmail.com) has an investment opportunity! They're looking for someone who can invest $50 million dollars.

Well, that leaves me out...


Haggis looks a lot like SPAM, aye?

But I don't like SPAM!

Well Ladies and Gentlemen, more SPAM, whether you like SPAM or not!


May 2:

- admin@national-lottery.co.uk (writing from esaullevy@aol.com with a return mail of kdhdl@e-mail.ua) says simply: "You have won . For full details, please click here."

My thoughts, simply: not.


- The World Bank/IMF at jasshugh72@yahoo.com (return mail worldb_auditor@qatar.io)  writes:

Attn:Client, Your name is among 37 scam Victims list to be compensated by World Bank/IMF via ATM CARD each valued at US$1.5 Million.send your Full details Such As Your Full Name,Address,Telephone via( worldb_auditorr@qatar.io ) DR.RICHARD OGA.

 Wow! I didn't know that the World Bank/IMF was concerned with scam victims. And I didn't know that ATM cards could be worth $4.5 Million dollars! Gotta get me one of THOSE!


- Mr Guff Walter at  online@mss.com (return mail kraftfoodsuk1@live.co.uk) says:

We are please to offer you a job of 10% of payments received from our clients.Job :RECEIVING PAYMENTS AGENT who will Act as medium of breach between our customers and us.reach us at(kraftfoodsuk1@live.co.uk)with your Curriculum Vitae/Resume attached and any other details on experience.(Mr Guff Walter,P.R.O.)Kraft Foods Ltd.

Does my CV have to be spelled correctly? How about English grammar? And what exactly is a 'medium of breach'?


- Oooh! Mr A. Hakim at abdul_hakimbehaj@yahoo.com.ph tells me that he was part of a military council that helped oust out favorite Libyan dictator, and when searching

Col Muammar Gaddafi's Bab al-Aziziya compound, I discovered A metal save: containing (USD53M) fifty three million United States of American Dollars

 which he of course needs help getting out of the country.

Wow. And here I'd thought Muammar had spent it all on fancy robes and uniforms!


That's enough for tonight! Enjoy the video!