Fresh SPAM! Getcher fresh SPAM here!

Well, I was drowning in it, and a month behind, so I went Delete! Delete! Delete! and nuked it all. So what I offer today was just was came in Tuesday June 12th.


* From Mr Lamido Sanusi from the Central Bank of Nigeria at mrlamidosanusi49@yahoo.com (return mail mrlamidosanusi11@omail.hu) comes a notice (with *terrible* grammar) that I've been named a part-beneficiary of $10 million! Wow! But wait- two guys showed up to his office claiming to be my representatives, wanting this money I'm getting. Mr Sanusi says "Here are the Document which they tender to this Bank today:

1. LETTER OF ADMINISTRATION.
2. HIGH COURT INJUNCTION.
3. ORDER TO RELEASE."

He told them to come back tomorrow.

Well, it's tomorrow already in Nigeria. Oh well.

Wait, doesn't an injunction usually restrain, rather than release? And What court? A High Court? Was the judge smoking something something?


* Mrs. Grace Manda at gracemanda13@gmail.com (return mail gracemanda14@gmail.com) just says: Mrs. Grace Manda Please open the attached file

...and? Mrs Grace Manda, you'd better open that file! 'Cause I ain't a-gonna!


* Moses Benneth, an account officer with the Islamic Microfinance Bank in Ghana, at mosesbenneth@mail.kz (return mail mosesbenneth@yahoo.com.hk) writes to tell me of a business opportunity of $15 million! Yay! Apparently he's holding a secret account with money that belonged to ousted Tunisian president Mr.Zine Al-abidine Ben Ali. He will give me 45% of it if I help him move the money out of the country.

Won't Mr Ben Ali wonder where it went?

And he wants my driver's license. Dude, no one sees that. Really. I cringe when I have to show it at the bank. You think I'm going to show a perfect stranger in Ghana that?


* John Wilkins at jwilkinsfice@globomail.com (return mail jwilkins.office@gmail.com) says:

This is to bring to your notice that we are delegated from the United
Nations & Central Bank to pay 50 scam victims 1,000,000.00 Dollars
each.

Apparently they believe I've been scammed by someone in Nigeria. (Nigeria? Not Ghana? Burkina Faso? Indonesia? Hong Kong?...)

 You are hereby warned not to communicate or duplicate this message to
him For any reason what so ever as the FBI is already on trace of the
other criminals. So keep it to yourself till they are all apprehended.

Oh.

 We shall feed you with further modalities as soon as we hear from you.

Modalities? Are they tasty? What wine should I serve, red or white?

Oh, and their list of IDs cuts off with "6) Attach scan Copy of your". Copy of my what? Ah... I'm supposed to contact them to get the full list! Niiice...


* "Barrister.Kenneth Oliver,the personal assistance to the late engr.Edward (snr) a national of your country." writes from barristerkennetholiver@yahoo.com (return mail kennetholiver42@freemail.hu) that his client died without a will and he has oooodles of money he wants to give me!

****PRIVATE & CONFIDENTIAL*****
This e-mail and any attached files are confidential and may be legally privileged. If you are not the addressee,any disclosure,reproduction,copying,distribution,or other dissemination or use of this communication is strictly prohibited.

 Not anymore!


*  "Western Union 2012 Customers Promotion" tk52107@cwjh.tyc.edu.tw (return mail westerncus2@hotmail.com)  says:

We happilly announce to you that you have been awarded with the sum of $5,000,000.00 USD by our office, as one of our customers who uses Western Union in their daily business transaction in 2012.

Wrong address, apparently, as I've never used Western Union. Perhaps just misspelled, like 'happilly'.


*  FROM MR. KENNETH ANDERSON, EGYPTIAN GULF BANK, at aapolini@yahoo.com (return mail kennethanderson_EGB@gmx.com) has a client who died intestate, and... wait, does he know Kenneth Oliver?


* Ma Delun,a staff of Private Banking Services at the Bank of China (BOC) United Kingdom writes from madelun@ta.com (return mail ma.delun10@yahoo.com.hk) that one of his clients... died... oh yeah. He'll give me 50% if I help him sneak this money out.

I think that's the highest percentage I've been offered yet. So if this is all so legal and all Mr Delun, why can't I contact your employer to make sure you're the stand-up dude you say you are?


* Mr John Anderson at smtmnr@wmconnect.com wrote **in the subject line**

I am JOHN ANDERSON Director Inspection Unit United Nations Inspection Agent in Epple AirField International Airport. During our investigation, I discovered An abandoned shipment through a Diplomat from Nigeria.The details of the consignment including your name the official document from United Nation office in London are tagged on the Metal Trunk box.If you want us to transact the delivery for mutual benefit, you should provide your Phone Number, full address,Be happy and respond so that i will give goodnews

 Text said "Read the above for more details and reply immediately"

"Full address... Be happy!" Sounds like a pop tune, eh?


* Mrs. Rebecca Oliver at mrs.rebecca_oliv00000@hotmail.com (return mail mrs.rebecca_oliv0011@hotmail.com) says "Please open the attached file and get back to me."

Let's not and say I did, hmm?


* Mrs Grace Manda must really mean business! She writes this time from gmanda7@gmail.com, return mail mandagrace64@gmail.com. Well, new address or no, I'm not going to open your attachment!


That's eleven in one day. Ain't Shakespeare, but if you put a hundred monkeys... ;-)

 

 

MOAR SPAM!!!

Lots and lots and LOTS of SPAM!


MAY 16:

* Rtd. Lt Adolf W. Mensah at adolfwilly2@gmail.com (return mail adolfwilly1@hotmail.com) wants me to contact him, as he has come into the possession of $8.2 million in Afghanistan, of which he will give me 35% if I help him get it out of the country. But it's  a secret and his job is in jeopardy... IT'S A SECRET BECAUSE IT'S NOT LEGAL, RIGHT ADOLF? As in NO ONE MUST KNOW?


* Mr Frank Ashley at chikeobi24@yahoo.in (return mail mikehope608@yahoo.com) says that he is ready to send me the first $4500 of $900,000 we've arranged, I just need to send a bunch of personal info, including age, sex, and occupation, to a Mr Pete Williams (not, Mr Ashley, or Mike Hope?).

I haven't heard from him before, and he doesn't know my sex? Must have the wrong person. Whoever this email was meant for, they're missing out on some money...


* Monica Gaziri at moris4oxide@yahoo.com (return mail monicagaziri@yahoo.com) opens her email with "Hi Dear,". Well, it appears that she's 'Lookin' for love in all the wrong places...' dee dee dum dee dum...


* Brent Spearman at Brent.Spearman@utoledo.edu (return mail bukharisahih@yahoo.cn) wants me to contact him about some money that belonged to the late Colonel Khaddafi. Really? I bet he wants me to help him get it out of the country. How someone from the University of Toledo came across it is beyond me...


* Oooh! From the Desk Of United Nation! (Address Officefile@file.com, return mail Asia.B.a.n.k.code@w.cn) They have an ATM card worth $2.5 million waiting for me, if I will please to contact their agent in the Bank of India with a bunch of personal info, of course.

Signed VIP Jimmy Approved Mr Ban Ki Moon United Nation Secretary General Best regards, Officefile

Since when does the United Nations and Ban Ki-Moon do business through OfficeFile?


* Chase Online sent me a message via smrff+accounts+alerts@chase.com says there is an incoming payment on my account, but there is a problem processing it, and I should pit this like that says 'Log On' which sends me to http://www.imaqing.com/images/smilies/login.php . How much you wanna bet they'll ask me for some personal information there, such as my log on and password? How much you wanna bet I'm not going there? Especially since I closed my Chase account last fall...


* "Mr.Almani Saadiq, the Head of files/Recording Department in Islamic Development Bank Burkina faso" at saadiq4101@msn.com (return mail almanl01@voila.fr) is a bank employee who is in possession of some $9.4 million dollars that belonged to a client now deceased. This money is just rattling around unclaimed, and he wants it of course, and is willing to give me 40% if I'll help him move it out of that account. First I need to give him all my personal information. "Like,

Your Name, Age, Marital Status, Cell Phone Number, Your Country, Your House Address, Your Occupation, Sex, Religion, Your ID Card or International Passport and Your Private E-mail Address for full trust.

 My religion? What does being Episcopalian have to do with this?


MAY 17:

* I'm getting a check for $25,000 from UN-HABITAT, at guascormaroc@menara.ma. I need to send all my personal info to Program Manager United Parcel Service (UPS) Contact Name: Abu Morris at upsdelivery34@yahoo.com.hk. With $100 for handling and claimant fees.

Gee. Fees have done up. They're usually $55. Weasels much be getting scarce. Maybe UN-HABITAT is trying to protect them?


* "UNITED NATIONS OFFICE FOR THE COORDINATION OF HUMANITARIAN AFFAIR." at sepp@blueskynet.as has asked me to contact Mr. Victor Okle at vokle@superposta.com, as my payment confirmations are completed for the ATM card worth $900,000. But oops! My Okle is having trouble with his handheld, and has lost his address book. So I need to get in touch with my     personal info...

Personally, if he's that much of a dork as to keep my personal info on a handheld and not somewhere else, I'm not of a mind to give him my personal info again. Maybe they should hang onto that $900,000 to, oh, feed orphans or something?


* "Kim Wong, The Owner of Kim Wong Trading LLC,Kuala Lumpur Malaysia South East Asia" sends greetings from audit_dept@csuissebl.com (return mail k_wong.llc@e-mail.ua) wants to offer me a job laundering money, er, transferring funding, on commission, taking 15% of the cash transferred.

Dude, I can get 40% from 'transferring money' for several other folks. You'll have to sweeten the pot a bit. And do you offer benefits? No deal unless I get medical, dental, and a good retirement package.


* Mrs. Marina Luda, who lives at 108 Crockett Court. Apt 303, New Braunfels Texas, writes from liuzheng@shstj.gov.cn (return mail t_ganichambers@yahoo.cn) to warn me that I've been scammed! I need to contact Barrister Tony Gani in Nigeria with a bunch of my personal info, and he'll help me get my $10.5 million. I only have to pay $250 in fees to do this. Wow. Inflation! Those Nigerian weasels must have really gotten scarce! Does UN-HABITAT know anything about this?


* Mr Ben Smith at mr.bensmithloanfrims02@hotmail.com (return mail mr_bensmith@live.com) is offering loans at 3% from World United Global Loan Organization Online Fast/Easy Loan. Wait- are they the ones who're trying to get money to me through that non-existent Chase account?


MAY 18:

* Another note from Mr. Ben Smith. He must be working on commission.


* Mrs.Inga-Britt Ahlenius at UNITED NATIONS OFFICE OF INTERNATIONAL OVERSIGHT SERVICES, International Audit, Monitoring, Consulting And Investigations Division writes from ingabritt1@skymail.mn that they've discovered that I'm a victim of a scam!

Does this have anything to do with the mail I got from Ban Ki-Moon?


* Susan Shabangu at jgonzalez@aragua.gob.ve (return mail sshabangu.gov@gmail.com) has sent me an attached email. 33.2 KB in RTF. Shall I open it? Uh... maybe not.


* Western Union at postmaster@hd25.info (return mail westernunion_money@ukr.net) has my payment ready! I just need to contact them with my personal info.

Funny, for something that important, you'd think they'd use a Western Union email account.


* Another Western Union letter! This time from sepp@blueskynet.as. They want me to call them... within 4 hours.

Dang.


* Michael Pandor at gvds@8419.cn (return mail m.zuma@blumail.org) has an investment opportunity for me. It is in South Africa, and involves Civil Servants, who apparently can't participate in this deal, so they need me to act in their place. I just need to- all together now- contact them with my personal information...


*  ithelpdesksupport@mail2webmaster.com contacted me to tell me something has gone... wrong... with my email. (How is it that he can contact me then?) I just need to send him my user name and password. For an account that I don't have.

Good luck with that!


* Mohammad Daud Bakar,an executive with the International Institute of Finance,Inc (RUSD) bank malaysia writes from mohammad@linkline.com (return mail bakar.mohammad12@yahoo.com) to offer me a business proposal, the details of which he'll tell me after I send him my personal info.

IIF is a real organization, and Mohammad Daud Bakar really works for them. In the Middle East- not in Malaysia.

I wonder if this business proposal involves money in an account belonging to a deceased client?


***
Gah. So much SPAM! And so much left in my inbox! Can I get through is without a sodium-provoked stroke?

Hot and Spicy!

Well, I have enough spam in my inbox to require a great deal of Pepto-Bismol! She we take a look and see?...


May 12:


- Forwarded to me from www.myway.com a post from bankapprovedremit1@yahoo.cn claiming to be someone from the Bank of America, holding funds for me in a Swiss Bank account. They will of course arrange transfer after I give them a bunch of personal information... Really, if they have to go through a third party and don't yet know my name, how do they know that they have any money *for me*?


- Dr.Jaslin Ikhsan writes from file@ntcentereent.com (return mail jaslin.ikhsan12@voila.fr) that he has some money that he needs to move out of a secret bank account in Burkina Faso and for my help

The fund will be shared at the ratio of 58% for me. 40% for you and 2% will be set aside to cover any expenses and tax in your bank.

Gee, I don't know if 2% will cover the weasel taxes...


-  Mr. Abdulkader Maroof Omar Uqba at omar@yahoo.com (return mail fed_cour111@w.cn) would like me to help him get his family out of Iraq. Well, I can't blame him for wanting to get out, but our Department of Defense isn't sure how to get out of Iraq, but less me! Has he tried Google Maps?


- Brenda Waterson at brenda@kunene.co.za has $10.5 million dollars for me for charity projects, if I will just contact her attorney. Funny, her address is in South Africa, and her attorney is in Qatar. Not Burkina Faso or Benin?


- Mrs Esther Boateng at web.esestt32@gmail.com (return mail mrs.terrarnicholas@hotmail.co.za) says "YOU CHOOSEN BY THE LORD/ View the attached file Pls.??". There's an attached document... no, I think God knows how to spell chosen. Which means the attachment came from God knows!


- from jerzy.szukalski@neostrada.pl a woman named Mrs. Faridah Harris Hamid (return mail hamidfrdharis@yahoo.com.my) writes to tell me the very sad news that she is dying and wants to leave me $2.5 million to do good deeds with.

I suppose those good deeds would not include a half-dozen lightly-oiled slave boys, a gallon of peanut butter, some marshmallow fluff and a weasel?

Maybe I'll skip the marshmallow fluff and just get a second weasel.


- William Brenda at info@sapphire.com.pk (return mail weternunionmoneytransfer@yahoo.cn) says:

GOOD DAY AND MY GREETINGS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.. WE HAVE CONCLUDED TO EFFECT YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH (WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER) AND $6,000.00 WILL BE SENT DAILY TO YOU UNTIL THE $4.8MILLION IS COMPLETELY TRANSFERED.

I just have to send them my personal info, of course. Mind you, I'm pretty sure that the money transfer entity is properly called 'Western Union' and writing them back at 'weternunion' might send my information awry.

You think?


- WESTERN UNION HEAD OFFICE DEPARTMENT REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA. FOREIGN CONTRACTOR PAYMENT OFFICE writes from mtcndepartmentofficer@gmail.com (return mail wumtdepartment@hotmail.com) says that I have inherited $80.000.00 which will be disbursed in daily amounts of $5.000... as soon as I cough up $250 to cover various fees and taxes and such.

Are we surprised that they claim to be representing a bank in Nigeria?


May 13:

- Mr. Abdulkader Maroof Omar Uqba sent me another plea for help in getting his family out of Iraq.

Call a cab?


- inforefinance4@yahoo.com.hk is offering my loans at 2%. Wow. That's even better than a Perkins loan!


- Madam Mercy Graham writes from rezaeirad@grad.kashanu.ac.ir (return mail mercygraham@safe-mail.net) that she is a widow, dying of cancer, and wants me to help her set up a foundation for the 'less priviledge'. Maybe she wants to work with Mrs. Faridah Harris Hamid above? I could maybe open a Home for Homeless Weasels!


- Mr james mark at james.mark141@yahoo.com (return mail james.mark141@gmail.com) says that the National Bank of Nigeria is ready to release my funds! I just have to send them a bunch of information, including

Your Bank Name……………….. Bank Account Number……………….. Banking Routing Number or Swift Code………………..

Think I should give it to them?


- Lexington Finance Ltd at  web-ffc-0-01-3-036@att.net (return mail lexingtonfinance0ltd@hotmail.com) has money to loan me! Really? Why don't they hang onto it and get a real email account?


May 14:


- Barrister Mok Papom (Esq). of Bangkok, Thailand, writes from barristermokpapom@mail.com (return mail barristermokpapom@yahoo.co.jp) to tell me that his client died and left him with $15 and no heirs. He's willing to give me 40% of it if I'll help him get it out of the bank.

I'm not sure I want to take him up on it- after all, he's not smart enough to know that a *solicitor* handles wills and money and such. A *barrister* handles court matters such as criminal defense. Why he would have anything to do with an inheritance matter is beyond me, unless it's awfully shady...


- jdellinger@thesoutheastgroup.com claims to be from 'websupport' and says that my account is almost full and they need my login and password to fix it. Nice trick, since I don't have an account with them.


-  BoyleK@wawm.k12.wi.us also says that there is a problem with my mailbox and I should go to http://admin-helpdeskteam-web.tk/ to get it fixed.

Another account that I don't know I have! Am I creating email account in my sleep?


- Mrs Josphine Johnson at josphine1961@rediffmail.com (return mail Josphinejohnson1@gmail.com) says that she's a widow dying of cancer and needs some unspecified help if I would please reply.

What, does she need a cab too?


- Brenda Williams (or William Brenda, hard to say) again writes to tell me about money waiting for me at Western Union. But hurry! This offer is limited and expires soon!...

I think they'd do well selling things on late night tv, don't you?


May 15:


- WOO-HOO!!! power06play52633@att.net says I won the Powerball Lottery! I just need to go to their website to contact their payment coordinator and claim the prize.

Neat! How many other lotteries that I haven't entered will come up winners?


- augutinedinga600@gmail.com sends me an attachment titled 'dear friend'. How fast can I delete it? There! That fast!


- The International Monetary Fund in Switzerland writes me from imfswss@yahoo.co.jp (an address in Japan, and with a return mail of imfofficewa01@yahoo.co.jp) to tell me that their fraud reconciliation office has pulled my name out of the files of those victimized by fraud, and that they have $1 million to award me. I just have to send all of my info, including bank account numbers, to their office in West Africa.

Does this make any sense to you? I'm not following...


- Mrs Karen Williams writes from bell@bell.ca that she is about to go in for surgery and has $14.258 million for me to do charity work with. I just need to contact barjaymchenry111@3mail.ie, presumably with all of my bank information.

Does a jar of marshmallow fluff qualify as 'charity'?


- info@westernunion.com (return mail westernuinonclaimdept@ovi.com) says that I'm the beneficiary of a random drawing by the United Nations! And this money is being held for me by Western Union in Malaysia. (Not Burkina Faso, or Benin? How novel!) I just have to contact them with my... you know...


- from worldbankcommitte@worldbank.com (return mail richardbench2012@hotmail.com) I received this:

Dear Sir/Madam This mail is meant for scam victims and pending payment across the globe. Kindly access the movement for your funds to avoid further scams from imposter,this will also reaveal if your transaction/funds is real or not Respond as soon as possible if applicable to you. Richard Bench Worldbank Committe

Somehow, I rather think that the World Bank can employ a proofreader and proper email addresses for their employees, don't you? If I send a reply to Richard Bench, what do you think it might 'reaveal'?


- Mrs. Caroline Sawh at carol_sawh@yahoo.com.cn writes to tell me that she's a widow, dying of cancer, and you guessed it- wants me to help spend her money on good deeds.

1: For the sick, less-privileged and destitute,
2: For the Widows and the motherless babies e.t.c.
3: orphanages, Research centers and widows propagating.

Widows propagating? What, is she referring to horticulture?


On that note, enough for tonight. This much SPAM, the sodium in my blood is a bit high!