May 12:
- Forwarded to me from www.myway.com a post from bankapprovedremit1@yahoo.cn claiming to be someone from the Bank of America, holding funds for me in a Swiss Bank account. They will of course arrange transfer after I give them a bunch of personal information... Really, if they have to go through a third party and don't yet know my name, how do they know that they have any money *for me*?
- Dr.Jaslin Ikhsan writes from file@ntcentereent.com (return mail jaslin.ikhsan12@voila.fr) that he has some money that he needs to move out of a secret bank account in Burkina Faso and for my help
The fund will be shared at the ratio of 58% for me. 40% for you and 2% will be set aside to cover any expenses and tax in your bank.Gee, I don't know if 2% will cover the weasel taxes...
- Mr. Abdulkader Maroof Omar Uqba at omar@yahoo.com (return mail fed_cour111@w.cn) would like me to help him get his family out of Iraq. Well, I can't blame him for wanting to get out, but our Department of Defense isn't sure how to get out of Iraq, but less me! Has he tried Google Maps?
- Brenda Waterson at brenda@kunene.co.za has $10.5 million dollars for me for charity projects, if I will just contact her attorney. Funny, her address is in South Africa, and her attorney is in Qatar. Not Burkina Faso or Benin?
- Mrs Esther Boateng at web.esestt32@gmail.com (return mail mrs.terrarnicholas@hotmail.co.za) says "YOU CHOOSEN BY THE LORD/ View the attached file Pls.??". There's an attached document... no, I think God knows how to spell chosen. Which means the attachment came from God knows!
- from jerzy.szukalski@neostrada.pl a woman named Mrs. Faridah Harris Hamid (return mail hamidfrdharis@yahoo.com.my) writes to tell me the very sad news that she is dying and wants to leave me $2.5 million to do good deeds with.
I suppose those good deeds would not include a half-dozen lightly-oiled slave boys, a gallon of peanut butter, some marshmallow fluff and a weasel?
Maybe I'll skip the marshmallow fluff and just get a second weasel.
- William Brenda at info@sapphire.com.pk (return mail weternunionmoneytransfer@yahoo.cn) says:
GOOD DAY AND MY GREETINGS TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.. WE HAVE CONCLUDED TO EFFECT YOUR PAYMENT THROUGH (WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER) AND $6,000.00 WILL BE SENT DAILY TO YOU UNTIL THE $4.8MILLION IS COMPLETELY TRANSFERED.
I just have to send them my personal info, of course. Mind you, I'm pretty sure that the money transfer entity is properly called 'Western Union' and writing them back at 'weternunion' might send my information awry.
You think?
- WESTERN UNION HEAD OFFICE DEPARTMENT REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA. FOREIGN CONTRACTOR PAYMENT OFFICE writes from mtcndepartmentofficer@gmail.com (return mail wumtdepartment@hotmail.com) says that I have inherited $80.000.00 which will be disbursed in daily amounts of $5.000... as soon as I cough up $250 to cover various fees and taxes and such.
Are we surprised that they claim to be representing a bank in Nigeria?
May 13:
- Mr. Abdulkader Maroof Omar Uqba sent me another plea for help in getting his family out of Iraq.
Call a cab?
- inforefinance4@yahoo.com.hk is offering my loans at 2%. Wow. That's even better than a Perkins loan!
- Madam Mercy Graham writes from rezaeirad@grad.kashanu.ac.ir (return mail mercygraham@safe-mail.net) that she is a widow, dying of cancer, and wants me to help her set up a foundation for the 'less priviledge'. Maybe she wants to work with Mrs. Faridah Harris Hamid above? I could maybe open a Home for Homeless Weasels!
- Mr james mark at james.mark141@yahoo.com (return mail james.mark141@gmail.com) says that the National Bank of Nigeria is ready to release my funds! I just have to send them a bunch of information, including
Your Bank Name……………….. Bank Account Number……………….. Banking Routing Number or Swift Code………………..
Think I should give it to them?
- Lexington Finance Ltd at web-ffc-0-01-3-036@att.net (return mail lexingtonfinance0ltd@hotmail.com) has money to loan me! Really? Why don't they hang onto it and get a real email account?
May 14:
- Barrister Mok Papom (Esq). of Bangkok, Thailand, writes from barristermokpapom@mail.com (return mail barristermokpapom@yahoo.co.jp) to tell me that his client died and left him with $15 and no heirs. He's willing to give me 40% of it if I'll help him get it out of the bank.
I'm not sure I want to take him up on it- after all, he's not smart enough to know that a *solicitor* handles wills and money and such. A *barrister* handles court matters such as criminal defense. Why he would have anything to do with an inheritance matter is beyond me, unless it's awfully shady...
- jdellinger@thesoutheastgroup.com claims to be from 'websupport' and says that my account is almost full and they need my login and password to fix it. Nice trick, since I don't have an account with them.
- BoyleK@wawm.k12.wi.us also says that there is a problem with my mailbox and I should go to http://admin-helpdeskteam-web.tk/ to get it fixed.
Another account that I don't know I have! Am I creating email account in my sleep?
- Mrs Josphine Johnson at josphine1961@rediffmail.com (return mail Josphinejohnson1@gmail.com) says that she's a widow dying of cancer and needs some unspecified help if I would please reply.
What, does she need a cab too?
- Brenda Williams (or William Brenda, hard to say) again writes to tell me about money waiting for me at Western Union. But hurry! This offer is limited and expires soon!...
I think they'd do well selling things on late night tv, don't you?
May 15:
- WOO-HOO!!! power06play52633@att.net says I won the Powerball Lottery! I just need to go to their website to contact their payment coordinator and claim the prize.
Neat! How many other lotteries that I haven't entered will come up winners?
- augutinedinga600@gmail.com sends me an attachment titled 'dear friend'. How fast can I delete it? There! That fast!
- The International Monetary Fund in Switzerland writes me from imfswss@yahoo.co.jp (an address in Japan, and with a return mail of imfofficewa01@yahoo.co.jp) to tell me that their fraud reconciliation office has pulled my name out of the files of those victimized by fraud, and that they have $1 million to award me. I just have to send all of my info, including bank account numbers, to their office in West Africa.
Does this make any sense to you? I'm not following...
- Mrs Karen Williams writes from bell@bell.ca that she is about to go in for surgery and has $14.258 million for me to do charity work with. I just need to contact barjaymchenry111@3mail.ie, presumably with all of my bank information.
Does a jar of marshmallow fluff qualify as 'charity'?
- info@westernunion.com (return mail westernuinonclaimdept@ovi.com) says that I'm the beneficiary of a random drawing by the United Nations! And this money is being held for me by Western Union in Malaysia. (Not Burkina Faso, or Benin? How novel!) I just have to contact them with my... you know...
- from worldbankcommitte@worldbank.com (return mail richardbench2012@hotmail.com) I received this:
Dear Sir/Madam This mail is meant for scam victims and pending payment across the globe. Kindly access the movement for your funds to avoid further scams from imposter,this will also reaveal if your transaction/funds is real or not Respond as soon as possible if applicable to you. Richard Bench Worldbank CommitteSomehow, I rather think that the World Bank can employ a proofreader and proper email addresses for their employees, don't you? If I send a reply to Richard Bench, what do you think it might 'reaveal'?
- Mrs. Caroline Sawh at carol_sawh@yahoo.com.cn writes to tell me that she's a widow, dying of cancer, and you guessed it- wants me to help spend her money on good deeds.
1: For the sick, less-privileged and destitute,
2: For the Widows and the motherless babies e.t.c.
3: orphanages, Research centers and widows propagating.
Widows propagating? What, is she referring to horticulture?
On that note, enough for tonight. This much SPAM, the sodium in my blood is a bit high!
No comments:
Post a Comment